Screen Time Scrutiny: The no-guilt guide to finding balance and identifying alternatives

By the nature of our tech-heavy world, kids today have a lot more screen time than their parents did. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reports that, on average, kids ages 8 to 18 spend more than six hours on screens daily, not including school work. And the Journal of Behavioral Addictions reports that adolescents who spent more time on screens than their peers exhibit higher levels of depression and anxiety a few years later.

How can parents effectively balance the need for screens with our families’ mental wellness? We spoke with Jae Jackson McConnell, senior program manager over the Peer Recovery Support Division and Behavioral Health and Wellness Division for the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health & Substance Abuse Services, for her advice as a professional and mom of two.

Achieving balance

Parents must temper the screen time debates and warnings that screens are entirely detrimental with the knowledge that times today are different than when we were growing up. McConnell’s two young sons are on the autism spectrum, and screens have been a helpful tool for them to learn their own way, at their own pace.

“My kids are very visual learners, so trying to explain something to them can be a challenge, but if they can see it happening, it opens a whole new world,” said McConnell. “They have a hard time with pretend play. There are YouTube videos that teach kids how to use their imagination, so my kids watch other kids pretend play. They picked it up and can now do it on their own.”

McConnell also acknowledges that too much of anything, including screens, can be harmful.

“For my own children, I notice a marked improvement in behavior when I cut down on screen time,” said McConnell. “When my kids are on screens too long, they’re not getting to experience things happening in nature or be social.”

From bullying to the comparison culture, social media can pose constant challenges to older kids’ mental health. In addition to proactively initiating conversations and limiting access to social media, McConnell notes it’s important for parents to acknowledge the increased hardships today’s kids face with the constant accessibility to the online world.

“When you had problems happening at school, you could come home and get away from it,” said McConnell of when today’s parents were kids. “But now it’s constant — they can’t get away from it. For teens that can be especially difficult.”

Reducing kids’ screen time

For families seeking to reduce screen time, McConnell shares an effective 2-step process:

First, parents should check our own habits. Our kids are watching, and mimicking, what we do in our daily lives, which means curtailing our own screen time will have positive benefits for our kids. McConnell’s boys, ages 3 and 5, call her out when she’s on her phone for extended periods of time. She tries to take in news and social media in small doses, staying on top of current events using credible, neutral sources and watching for the sense of overwhelm or overload that occurs when she’s consumed too much.

Second, replace screen time with another activity. Especially for younger kids, McConnell says it’s not realistic to take screens away and expect them to come up with a replacement activity. For little ones, this may mean parents need to play a game with them or take them to the park. With older kids, parents may simply need to suggest several activities for them to choose from, like playing outside or reading a book.

What about fasting from screens as a family?

Especially if your children are young, McConnell says expecting them to fast from screens for an extended period of time is not realistic. An abrupt change of routine for young kids or removal of the connection to their friends for older kids may make a screen fast more trouble than it’s worth.

“Having a routine creates a sense of safety for kids and disrupting that can be too hard for them,” said McConnell.

Instead of random screen fasts, she advocates setting certain times a day that screens are off limits, for kids and adults alike. That could mean screens are not allowed during mealtimes or after a certain time in the evenings. In McConnell’s home, her sons are not allowed to be on screens in the mornings before school.

“So many times, they would get out of bed and immediately ask for their iPads instead of getting ready for school,” said McConnell. “Now they are not allowed to be on iPads in the morning, and they know the routine, so they don’t ask for them anymore. Rather than cutting out screens entirely for a few days or a week, make certain times in your day a ‘hard no’ for screens.”

McConnell’s top piece of advice for parents is to not be too hard on themselves when it comes to screen time.

“Everything is attached to a screen, so you’re not going to be able to get away from it completely,” said McConnell. “Cut screen time down when and where you can and don’t shame yourself over screen time. Parents are busy and exhausted and oftentimes doing the best they can.” 

Summer screen time alternatives:

1. Hop on a bike for a two-wheeled adventure.
2. Host a family game night.
3. Check out one of the metro’s free museums.
4. Give back by volunteering together.
5. Visit a pick-your-own farm for fresh summer produce.
6. Cool off at a local splash pad.
7. Conduct a science experiment with items you already have at home.
8. Spend time stargazing.
9. Set up a play date at a new-to-you park.
10. Drop a line in a kid-friendly fishing spot.

Editor’s note: This article is part of a 10-month series of articles and podcasts with 988 Mental Health Lifeline. Find the full series at metrofamilymagazine.com/mental-health.