Megan Berga has fond memories of her grandparents serving as foster parents during her childhood. Through that experience, as well as stories of her grandparents running a boys’ home before she was born, she witnessed the tremendous impact caring families could make on a child’s life. After Megan and her husband, Erik, had two biological children, they decided it was time for them to become foster parents.
“This is something that has always been heavy on my heart,” said Megan.
After completing paperwork and training, Megan and Erik signed their foster care contract on Feb. 24, 2020, and received a call for placement of a 5-week-old baby the following day. They eventually adopted that baby girl and have since accepted children ranging from emergency overnight placements to a teenager who checked himself back into foster care after turning 18 and aging out of the system.
Throughout their journey, the Bergas have leaned heavily on their faith, which has also inspired them to encourage other families to foster, too.
“I love to be able to talk to people and talk them through [what foster care is like],” says Megan.
Providing emergency care
The Bergas have accepted so many emergency and overnight placements they don’t have an official tally of how many children they have fostered. Often these children come to the Bergas’ home in the middle of the night and stay for a day or two while a long-term placement is secured. Megan can’t stand the thought of any child not having a warm bed to sleep in.
Sometimes children only stay in their home for a few hours, but Megan takes comfort in serving as a safe, loving space in that child’s journey. Megan stresses to those considering becoming foster parents that long-term fostering isn’t the only option.
“People get worried about becoming attached,” said Megan. “You could do just emergency placements, taking children in for just a couple of days, and you’re still really helping.”
The truth about teens
The Bergas’ current 18-year-old placement chose to sign himself back into the foster care system so he could complete his senior year of high school in the family’s care. Teenagers are often the hardest age group to place, but they are Megan’s favorite age to foster.
“You get to see them accomplish things they’ve always wanted to do,” said Megan.
She relishes opportunities to take him shopping for athletic equipment and says the family never misses a game. She enjoys providing older kids the unconditional love and support they often haven’t experienced before.
Though teenagers in foster care often get a bad rap, Megan has found the stereotypes to be untrue.
“People have asked me whether I’m worried about having a teenager in the home with little kids,” said Megan. “Yes, he’s had trauma but he’s just a normal teenager, and he and our 4-year-old are the best of friends.”
Megan also says while he occasionally makes poor decisions, those missteps are no different than the behavior of other teens. She also takes those behaviors with a grain of salt and reminds herself that they’re often a product of trauma and an upbringing that’s been so different than other kids.
“My expectations are different than what they would be for another child,” explains Megan, “because he’s lived a totally different life.”
Bridging with biological families
For Megan, developing relationships with the biological parents of the children in her care has been both the most challenging and most rewarding part of her journey. Called bridging, this practice, when safe, is essential to providing healing to both the children in foster care and their parents.
“A lot of times [biological parents] want to blame you, like you took their child when really you’re just helping,” said Megan. “But when they know their child is safe and you’re hoping they can get their child back, that gives them a sense of peace.”
Though reunification is typically the goal in foster care, the Bergas have not yet fostered a child who was able to return to their biological parents permanently, though several have reunified with other relatives. That has not stopped them from helping children maintain those connections when possible. Megan tries to proactively include biological parents in their child’s life and responds anytime a biological parent reaches out to her.
“When you bridge, you’re keeping that connection,” said Megan. “Otherwise, the kids have so many questions. And if they do go home, you get to remain a resource.”
Megan has developed a positive relationship with the biological dad of the teen in her care. Though he relinquished his parental rights, the Bergas intentionally coparent with him. When their teen was ready for his first car, his biological dad took him shopping to pick out what he wanted.
Megan has even attended court hearings for the biological mother of the child the Bergas adopted, unrelated to foster care.
“She didn’t have a support system and I wanted to be that for her,” said Megan.
Building a community of care
Living in a small community in Oklahoma, the Bergas have found additional support through local connections — from school officials and neighbors to their church family. This tight-knit community not only enriches their fostering experience but also helps integrate the children in their care into a nurturing environment.
“Our teens have often been in huge schools [previously], and they come here where everyone knows their name,” said Megan. “It’s so comforting that they can come in and feel part of the whole [community].”
Because of those connections, the Bergas were able to introduce the teen currently living with them to the high school basketball coach before he even began school. The school secretary is a friend of Megan’s so she can easily call or text to check in on him during the day.
While the Bergas don’t have much family support beyond Megan’s mom, who helps considerably with babysitting, their friends and community have stepped up in big ways.
“We may not have had family that supports [fostering], but we have created a family that supports it,” said Megan.
Encouraging potential foster parents
Megan’s can-do spirit and willingness to be vulnerable has made her a powerful advocate to encourage others to become foster families. Her faith bolsters her patience and belief that the process will work out as it’s supposed to.
Through her service on a post-adjudication review board, Megan connected with a family who’s since been through training to become a foster family. The process has taken a long six months, but Megan reminds the family that patience is a key part of foster care.
“I keep talking them through it and even explaining that maybe the child you’re meant to have in your home isn’t even born yet,” said Megan. “Every child has a family where they’re going to fit. The process can be long but it’s worth it because it’s in His time, not ours.”
A key concern of potential foster parents is often that they will get too attached to the children they are fostering.
“If you’re worried you’ll get attached, then this is what you were made for,” said Megan. “These kids need someone to be attached to them because chances are they’ve never had that.”
For individuals interested in becoming a foster parent, Megan is happy to answer questions. Email tips@metrofamilymagazine.com and the MetroFamily team will connect you with Megan.
Editor’s note: This article is part of a series in partnership with Oklahoma Human Services about foster care in our state. Find the full series at metrofamilymagazine.com/foster-care.
