Joni Owen grew up in and out of foster care, but she never imagined becoming a foster parent herself. At age 19, she and her husband lived in Tennessee and were compelled by the overwhelming need for foster families in their town.
Owen received her first foster care placement 25 years ago, and she quickly realized fostering is a calling she was made for. But she has since endured more than her fair share of hardships. Owen and her husband divorced, and she got sick and became blind. Owen moved to Oklahoma and assumed she could no longer foster because of her disability.
Then, five years after Owen’s last placement, her niece entered the foster care system.
“I applied not thinking I’d be approved because of blindness,” said Owen. “But she came to me and she’s now under guardianship to be adopted. Then, I applied for mainstream foster care once I realized I could. I had really missed it.”
Caring for children with complex needs
At the time of this interview, Owen had just welcomed her 52nd placement and was expecting her 53rd the following day. She’s provided a safe space for newborns through teenagers, and many of the children who’ve been in her care come to her with more than 40 previous placements.
The majority of the children Owen has fostered are eligible for Enhanced Foster Care (EFC), which addresses the intricate needs of children who have experienced profound trauma, abuse or neglect and who often face behavioral, medical, developmental and mental health challenges. EFC offers support for the child and the foster parent beyond what traditional foster care provides.
Weekly therapy sessions are prioritized in EFC, both for the children and the foster parent. Therapists, psychiatrists and care coordinators all work together for the best interest of each individual. Wraparound care includes regular visits from Owen’s family care coordinator, who comes to her home once a week to reinforce everyone’s work in therapy.
“We [as a family] talk about how to argue, how to identify and work through feelings and how the words we say come across [to others],” said Owen. “I also have therapy through EFC so I can talk about what’s going on at home, if I’m stressed about something and talk through my decisions. It’s nice to have that feedback.”
In addition to all the training Owen has received around trauma-informed care, her own experiences in foster care guide how she parents. She even uses the guide dog training she’s been privy to for inspiration.
“You use five praises for every correction,” explains Owen. “And the more upset you are, the lower your voice and slower you should speak. I’m a better parent than before, when I could see.”
The highs and the lows
Owen homeschools the children in her care because many of them have gaps in their educations or have been deemed academically behind. By customizing their lessons, she’s helped children make tremendous strides. Her niece, who had undiagnosed Celiac disease that presented much like ADHD symptoms, was her inspiration.
“We practiced speaking while she jumped on the trampoline and would do math [worksheets against] the garage door in between running up and down the street,” said Owen. “She just scored a 1490 on her PSAT.”
Another child experienced 43 previous placements, couldn’t read, was unwilling to look anyone in the eye and wore noise-canceling headphones all the time. The discovery of an auditory processing disorder, the customization of her learning processes and Owen taking time to ask and really listen to how she was doing made all the difference.
“Now she’s in Scouts and has turned into a leader,” reports Owen. “She’s in 7th grade, all caught up and doing exceptionally well.”
Owen has also cherished the opportunity to help a new mom learn how to parent. She recently accepted placement of a newborn baby and his 15-year-old mom. When the pair came to Owen, the baby was underweight; but with Owen supporting the mom, the baby gained 84 grams in one week, thrilling everyone.
“The look on her face when I told her I’m proud of her boosted her self-esteem more than anything else I could do,” said Owen.
The hardest part of Owen’s experience as a foster parent has been recognizing when a child is unreachable.
“I’ve had a couple of placements recently where [the child] did not have any trust and it got dangerous,” said Owen. “It gets hard when you have to say ‘this isn’t working.’ But you have to think of the good of the entire family and maybe a different placement could be healthier.”
Nevertheless, it’s hard for Owen to let go, not knowing what the future holds for that child. Living in uncertainty is a part of foster care Owen has had to accept.
“There are lots of unknowns,” said Owen. “That uncertainty is hard. But that also teaches [the kids and me both] patience and resilience.”
While learning those life skills is challenging, Owen says she gets to see remarkable rewards, too.
“When kids are secure and happy, their whole posture changes,” said Owen. “They start to just act like kids.”
Building bridges
Throughout her journey, Owen has had opportunities to build relationships with the biological families of the children in her care.
She ensures the father of the newborn baby in her care can attend pediatrician visits and family outings so he can be actively involved in his son’s life. Her niece talks with and enjoys activities over video chat with her biological mom, dad and grandma every week. While many of the children in Owen’s care have not been able to reunify with biological parents, those bonds are still important to keep intact when safe to do so.
“One mom I taught how to make a birthday cake,” said Owen. “She would come over and her 7-year-old would read her a school book. She would learn it’s OK to get frustrated as a parent and how to handle that. We worked on how to calm yourself down first.”
Owen also keeps in touch with some of the children who’ve previously been in her care.
“This was an amazing adoption story,” recalls Owen. “This 6-year-old had been in 21 homes and kicked out of day cares and schools. Now she’s with her adoptive family who’s part of her tribe in Washington. I’m going to visit later this summer. And every Sunday, I video chat with them.”
Seeking support
Owen appreciates that Oklahoma Human Services and her case workers provide her as much information as possible about potential placements so she and the other children in her care can ask questions and make decisions as a family. She also takes advantage of ongoing training opportunities provided by Oklahoma Human Services.
In 2023, Owen was named foster parent of the year by the Foster Care and Adoptive Association of Oklahoma. She got connected with the organization because they offer a mentorship program for foster parents. Owen’s mentor attended meetings with her for nine months and even drove Owen and a placement to court more than three hours away. The mentor also answered questions if Owen couldn’t quickly connect with her case worker.
“They help you get through the first nine months, when it’s most challenging,” said Owen of FCAO mentors. “They spoil the foster families, sending gifts and meals, and that takes the stress level down a bit.”
Oklahoma Human Services offers monthly support group meetings, which have been a lifeline for Owen. She’s intentional about connecting with other foster parents in trainings, and those relationships have helped provide an outlet for questions or conversations. Owen also appreciates Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA), who provide children in care continuity and advocate to the court for the best interest of each child.
As a single foster parent and caretaker to her 83-year-old father, Owen assures other families interested in fostering that if she can do it, anyone can.
“I’ve built this village of people I can rely on,” said Owen. “You don’t have to be perfect. If I had known I could be a foster parent even though I’m blind, I would have done it sooner.”
Editor’s note: This article is part of a series in partnership with Oklahoma Human Services about foster care in our state. Find the full series, plus information about becoming a foster family and supporting foster families, at metrofamilymagazine.com/
