The Ice Cube Doesn’t Fall Far from the Iceburg - MetroFamily Magazine
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The Ice Cube Doesn’t Fall Far from the Iceburg

by Mari Farthing

Reading Time: 2 minutes 

I’m not an outdoorsy girl; especially not an outdoorsy girl when it’s a million and ten outside (okay; 101—but that’s just a few zeroes away from a million and ten). We started the summer hanging at home in the mornings and doing chores/working, having lunch and then heading out to have some fun in the sun. But with the onset of hot temperatures, I’ve had to regroup and revise our summer fun strategy, getting up and out early (easier said then done with kids on a summer sleep schedule) before heading indoors for the afternoon.

So, on this day when the weather forecasters are threatening 105 and the kids threatening to mutiny because they want to play outside with their ginormous squirt guns, I get them set up and ready right after breakfast.

Super-soakers? Check.
Vat full of water? Check.
Towels? Check.
I retreat into the house to TCB.

Oh that it were that easy.

THEM: Mom! There’s a bug!
ME: The yard is a million times bigger then that bug. You’ll be fine. It’s not poisonous and it won’t bite you. (I think. I hope. [shudder] I hate bugs!)
THEM: Mom! Can we have a popsicle?
ME: Yes—as soon as you do something to work up an appetite. Sitting on the patio squirting your feet doesn’t count.
THEM: Mom! I’m ready to come inside now!
ME: It’s been 10 minutes. No you’re not. You will not melt. I promise.
THEM: Mom! I have to pee!
ME: Seriously? You * just * went out there! Oh well, at least you’re still dry.
THEM: Mom! The bug is really big!
ME: OH MY GOODNESS! Little bug; big yard! You’ll be fine!
THEM: Mom! Can I go get my book/toy/doll/blanket?
ME: No. You’re playing with squirt guns. Remember? Squirt guns! Water and books/inside toys/dolls/blankets do not mix.
THEM:  Mom! It’s too hot!
ME: Well, I can’t argue with that. Fine, come in the house. And shut that door before the giant poisonous bug gets in!

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