Katelyn Day has spent her life helping others. She may be young, but her experience as a special education teacher and now a single foster mom has bestowed upon her the wisdom and perspective of parents more than twice her age. Eager to learn and understand the ‘why’ behind children’s behaviors, Day navigates the complexities of both her personal and professional lives with care and compassion. She also challenges community members to help care for children in foster care by becoming a foster parent or supporting foster families.
From caring student to dedicated educator
Growing up, Day was surrounded by individuals with special needs, including a family member with cerebral palsy. Her father’s work in orthotics and prosthetics; her family’s commitment to volunteering together with Special Olympics and the University of Central Oklahoma’s Endeavor Games; and Day’s experience as a soccer coach for children with special needs instilled in her a profound understanding and compassion for those facing unique challenges. Her career dreams were ignited by those experiences, too.
“For most of my schooling, those kids were always in their own space, not in classrooms with everyone else,” said Day of kids with special needs or disabilities. “My friends didn’t know about them because they didn’t grow up around them, and that’s not fair to anybody because these kids grow up as a spectacle to others who’ve never seen them. The only way to make a difference is to be part of it.”
This exposure not only honed Day’s ability to connect with and support individuals with special needs but also equipped her with a unique perspective on inclusion and the importance of community support.
Day’s introduction to the world of foster care occurred during her student teaching program, when a CASA volunteer relayed stories of children in need. Not yet 21, she was too young to apply, but the need would continue to tug at her heart.
Day began her educational career in Elk City, then moved to Norman Public Schools as a high school teacher and coach. Two years ago, she accepted her dream job as a special education teacher at Dimensions Academy in Norman, which offers an alternative education program to students in grades kindergarten through 12. In all the schools she’s worked in, she’s had more interactions with Oklahoma Human Services than she can count.
“So many kids have experienced foster care or [Oklahoma Human Services] coming in and out of their home,” explained Day. “It’s been shocking the number of times I’ve talked with [Oklahoma Human Services].”
Her experience with a student’s interaction with Oklahoma Human Services solidified her resolve to become a foster parent someday. Witnessing the child’s struggles and the system’s limitations, she realized the profound impact she could have by opening her home to children in need.
“Foster care was something I wanted to do, I was just waiting for my life to be where I needed it to be to actually do it,” said Day. “But then I had an interaction with a detective a couple of months before I finally put in my application. That person shared with me the lack of foster homes. I realized I’d heard it so much from outside people, and when it keeps coming back up, I should stop waiting.”
Navigating challenges: The realities of foster care
Day’s fostering journey began in the middle of 2023. To date, she has opened her home to one long-term placement, who is still in her care, and several short-term and respite care placements. Day doesn’t have biological children, so learning both how to parent in general and how to be foster parent all at once has been overwhelming at times. While she and her school community as a whole are adept at working with students who have behavior challenges, Day says parenting a child from trauma through difficult behaviors has been a very different experience.
“My long-term placement resembles a lot of kids I work with on daily basis in terms of behaviors and mannerisms,” said Day of the 3-year-old in her care. “[I couldn’t understand why] I can do this all day at work but can’t come home and do this at home … it’s a different mindset from parenting to teaching.”
Working through trauma with a child who is too young to remember what happened to him presents its own set of challenges.
“We don’t have a lot of concrete understanding [of what happened to him] so that is difficult,” said Day. “He’ll be triggered but he and I don’t know why, so we’re working through that. Everybody in the house is growing and learning.”
Day realized both she and the child in her care needed extra support, so after seeking the advice of his case worker and a mentor, she requested the child receive the benefits of Enhanced Foster Care (EFC). Though the child entered the system in traditional foster care, his unique needs qualified him to receive additional support through EFC, which serves children who have experienced profound trauma, abuse or neglect. EFC addresses the intricate needs of children with behavioral, medical, developmental and mental health challenges, providing additional wraparound supports and resources for the child and foster parent.
Once approved for EFC, Day began to meet with both her child’s case worker and permanency worker more often, and she also now meets with an EFC case worker. Day says additional therapy provided through EFC means they now spend about 2 hours a week in therapy. While the child receives therapy, she also gets to meet with a therapist to discuss behaviors and coping skills.
“We talk about the challenges and how to address those,” said Day.
Two things Day has learned have made a profound impact on her parenting.
“First, nothing the child is doing is a personal attack on you,” said Day. “It’s hard when you hear ‘I hate you’ or ‘I don’t want to live here,’ but you have to understand it’s not about you. And second, all behavior is a form of communication. Their behaviors are communicating a lack of a need being met because they don’t know how to tell you what they need.”
While being a foster parent is no doubt hard work, the rewards far outweigh the challenges. Day says her current placement had a hard time adjusting to being removed from his home, as any child would. After a few months with her, though, he came out of his room and declared “this is my favorite home.”
“Those little moments let you know he’s starting to feel safe and that he’s going to be OK,” said Day. “He’s not sensing danger around every corner any more.”
Becoming a foster parent has also made Day an even better educator, not only in her approach with her students but also in how she communicates and works with parents.
“Foster parenting has changed my entire perspective as an educator,” said Day. “I have so much more grace and understanding for parents. Now I know how parents really feel.”
Building a support system
Especially as a single mom, Day could not have followed her heart to become a foster parent without a village of support. Her family, friends and colleagues have met her needs time and again, often without her even asking for help. They’ve also shown unconditional love to the child in her care, even when his behaviors have seemed unlovable.
“We spent a couple of weeks with him getting sent home from school every other day, and I was in tears not knowing what to do,” recalls Day. “My work said, ‘just bring him here.’”
Day spent part of the holidays in the hospital caring for an infant, a short-term placement, which she was able to do because she felt comfortable and confident leaving her long-term placement with friends and family who love him as much as she does. When she returned home from the hospital, her mom had cleaned Day’s home and made dinner.
“That was the best gift anybody could have given me,” said Day. “I had so much to do and she just showed up.”
Day also cares for other foster families when she can, providing meals or making a grocery store run when a family receives a new placement. For other families who are considering fostering or simply want to help, she says the best place to start is to get to know a foster family and become part of their support system.
“Fostering is not for everybody, but if it’s on your heart, start by finding a foster parent you can support,” said Day. “Either way, you’re helping children.”
Above all, Day says the best way for community members to truly be supportive is to love children in foster care unconditionally, just like her community has for the child in her care.
“Often biological kids get treated differently than the kids in foster care,” said Day. “If you’re showing up, treat the kids in foster care the same, even through the difficult behaviors.”
Editor’s note: This article is part of a series in partnership with Oklahoma Human Services about foster care in our state. Find the full series at metrofamilymagazine.com/foster-care.
