There’s nothing more joyful and fulfilling than parenthood — from taking family trips and helping our kids overcome challenges to cheering them on as they develop their talents and pursue their dreams. That being said, we parents also go through periods of worry, sadness and overwhelm.
If you ever catch yourself snapping at your kids more often than usual, dreading the alarm clock on school mornings or reminiscing about the freedom you had (and likely took for granted) pre-parenthood, you’re not alone … and you don’t need to feel guilty. These are natural feelings and thoughts we all experience from time to time along the journey of parenthood, but we don’t have to get stuck there.
The demands of parenting can be daunting and challenging — the loss of your personal time and social life, the financial stress of meeting your kids’ basic needs and paying for their hobbies, the general overwhelm that comes from putting the kids needs before your own and more. It’s no wonder we feel unhappy and stressed out sometimes. The real question is: How can we parents effectively navigate these periods of dissatisfaction and come out on top?
Start with these three strategies:
- Practice self-compassion. Did you know shaming yourself for experiencing normal thoughts and feelings will only worsen them? A more effective approach is to harness them as an opportunity to reflect on your struggles, extend kindness and compassion to yourself, and engage in some positive self-talk.Choose a phrase like “I am doing the best I can, and that is enough right now,” write it down if needed and repeat it to yourself whenever you get overwhelmed. It might feel a little cheesy at first, but I promise it works! And before you know it, you won’t have to remind yourself — you’ll speak to yourself kindly and compassionately by default!
- Set realistic expectations. No parent is perfect, yet we often have unrealistic expectations for how we should behave and what we can accomplish in a day, which only adds an extra layer of frustration, exhaustion and disappointment to the mix.A better approach? Reevaluate your expectations, throw out any that are unrealistic and replace them with more reasonable expectations. Accept that you will fall short at times, but that doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you human.
- Prioritize your own self-care. Because we parents juggle endless responsibilities, our own self-care often takes a back seat. However, it’s crucial for us to carve out some time for relaxation and rejuvenation. If that sounds like a lofty goal, start with 5 to 10 minutes at a time!Remember: self-care is not selfish or luxurious — it’s essential for your well-being as parent, and your family will reap the rewards. The reality is you have to make time for self-care; it won’t appear out of thin air. So, look at your schedule and find some time for a daily or weekly activity that will recharge your battery so you can be the best parent you can be for your kids.
Ultimately, feelings of loneliness, unhappiness and overwhelm are normal parts of the human experience — especially for parents. However, with some self-compassion, realistic expectations and a little self-care, you’ll build resilience and find more fulfillment as a parent.
Michael Dickerson is the CEO and founder of Dickerson Consulting Group LLC, a consulting firm specializing in human resources, workplace mental health and well-being. Michael holds a certificate in Applied Positive Psychology from the Flourishing Center in New York, which is one of the world’s leading institutions in the field of Positive Psychology. He is the author of new book “Struggle Well at Work.”
