As the holidays draw near, the obsession with wish lists, parties and MORE everything seems to take over my household. And itโs not just my kids who often need to take a breath, itโs me, too, who requires a reset.
We asked several local moms how they inspire contentment in their kids and families, not just during the holiday season, but all year long.
Acknowledge emotions
โContentment means being OK with what you have.โ
Fourth grader Micah McGee, a Sunday school student of Kourtney Aller, director of Childrenโs Ministries at Church of the Servant
The first step in finding contentment is often acknowledging feelings of jealousy, anger or frustration. Erin Engelke, mom of three and director of Oklahoma City nonprofit Calm Waters, which provides grief support for families, witnesses daily the value in validating childrenโs emotions, whether over a significant loss or simply wanting something a friend has.
โOur job as parents is to acknowledge what they are feeling, even if it doesnโt make sense to us,โ said Engelke. โOtherwise, they think they are wrong for feeling that way and the next time donโt feel safe to share how they feel.โ
Reminding kids while they canโt control what happens to them, they can control how they respond helps them harness their power to choose positivity, even in hard circumstances.
News personalty Ali Meyer practiced positivity when she was unexpectedly diagnosed with breast cancer in November 2018. Meyer found comfort in sharing her feelings with viewers, and her four girls.
โThere are things to be grateful for even in what seems a dark and dismal diagnosis,โ said Meyer, who had a mastectomy followed by several reconstructive procedures. โThis is treatable and curable and Iโm focused on that and not what Iโm losing.โ
Get grateful
โWe do bedtime gratitude where we take turns sharing things we are grateful for that day.โ
Shelley Leveridge
Oklahoma City entrepreneur Shelley Leveridge practices nightly gratitude with her 5-year-old daughter.
โWe take turns sharing things we are grateful for that day,โ said Leveridge.
Kourtney Aller, director of Childrenโs Ministries at Church of the Servant, suggests asking kids what they would buy if they had unlimited funds, and then discussing what the family has that already meets their needs, or helping kids make gift tags to label everything they already have to be thankful for.
โInstead of focusing on what they donโt have, this helps them to be grateful for what they do have,โ said Aller, a mom of two.
An attitude of gratitude helps children realize โstuffโ doesnโt last forever and instead focus on their relationships and how they can make othersโ lives better.
โThey realize it will make them happy to make others happy,โ said Aller.
Quit comparisonย
โWe had comparison growing up, but it was more in the moment, then you went home and forgot about it. Now itโs in kidsโ faces all the time, and I find myself getting caught up in it sometimes, too.โ
Kay Robinson
Director of student and community engagement at the University of Central Oklahoma Kay Robinson believes social media is entirely responsible for the comparison game played out among kids and adults alike.
โWe had comparison growing up, but it was more in the moment, then you went home and forgot about it,โ said Robinson. โNow itโs in kidsโ faces all the time, and I find myself getting caught up in it sometimes, too.โ
Meyer talks to her girls about reality verses perception on social media, and she constantly reminds them of how she sees them.
โWe tell them โyou are a masterpiece and a wonder and marvel walking the earth,โโ said Meyer.
When Engelkeโs kids feel they donโt measure up, she asks them to think through how to change the way they feel, their own wisdom and creativity giving them strength to solve the problem themselves. She encourages them to compliment others instead of focusing on feelings of envy.
โPoint out ways kids can be happy for their friends instead,โ echoes Aller. โThen they can let it go so jealousy doesnโt consume them.โ
Engelke recently asked her oldest daughter to list all the things sheโs good at to combat feelings of discontent.
โShe came up with a list of 50 things and I think surprised herself,โ said Engelke. โShe realized sheโs way more amazing than she gives herself credit for.โ
Serve others
โWhen weโre so consumed with what we donโt have itโs hard to see how we can meet the needs of others around us,โ said Aller.
On the contrary, serving others gets kids focused outward. As a child, Leslie Illston, development and alumni relations officer at the University of Oklahoma, made blankets with her family for nursing home residents each Christmas.
โWe asked for people who didnโt have family visiting them and weโd give them a blanket and ask to hear their stories,โ said Illston, who plans to continue the tradition with
her daughter.
Robinson requires students in her freshman success class to complete three hours of community service and write a paper about their experience, many coming away more thankful for their own blessings. Robinson believes the most impactful lesson in serving others for her 5-year-old son is through their work as a foster family.
โI want to show him that even being a single mom on one income we have enough to give,โ said Robinson. โIt doesnโt matter if you are rich or living paycheck to paycheck, you can still find a way to help others.โ
Resources for teaching contentment
For parents
The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who are Grounded, Generous and Smart, by Ron Lieber
Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World, by Kristen Welch
Iโm Happy for You (Sort of โฆ Not Really), by Kay Wills Wyma
Read together
The Berenstain Bears Count Their Blessings, by Stan Berenstain
Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?ย by Dr. Seuss
Gratitude Soup, by Olivia Rosewood
Just So Thankful, by Mercer Mayer
Just Enough and Not Too Much, by Kaethe Zemach
Kirby the Disgruntled Tree, by Lori Wick
Last Stop on Market Street, by Matt de la Peรฑa
The Sparkle Box, by Jill Hardie
Thanks a Million, by Nikki Grimes
Those Shoes, by Maribeth Belts