Teaching kids contentment - MetroFamily Magazine
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Teaching kids contentment

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As the holidays draw near, the obsession with wish lists, parties and MORE everything seems to take over my household. And itโ€™s not just my kids who often need to take a breath, itโ€™s me, too, who requires a reset.

We asked several local moms how they inspire contentment in their kids and families, not just during the holiday season, but all year long.

Acknowledge emotions

โ€œContentment means being OK with what you have.โ€

Fourth grader Micah McGee, a Sunday school student of Kourtney Aller, director of Childrenโ€™s Ministries at Church of the Servant

The first step in finding contentment is often acknowledging feelings of jealousy, anger or frustration. Erin Engelke, mom of three and director of Oklahoma City nonprofit Calm Waters, which provides grief support for families, witnesses daily the value in validating childrenโ€™s emotions, whether over a significant loss or simply wanting something a friend has.

โ€œOur job as parents is to acknowledge what they are feeling, even if it doesnโ€™t make sense to us,โ€ said Engelke. โ€œOtherwise, they think they are wrong for feeling that way and the next time donโ€™t feel safe to share how they feel.โ€

Reminding kids while they canโ€™t control what happens to them, they can control how they respond helps them harness their power to choose positivity, even in hard circumstances.

News personalty Ali Meyer practiced positivity when she was unexpectedly diagnosed with breast cancer in November 2018. Meyer found comfort in sharing her feelings with viewers, and her four girls.

โ€œThere are things to be grateful for even in what seems a dark and dismal diagnosis,โ€ said Meyer, who had a mastectomy followed by several reconstructive procedures. โ€œThis is treatable and curable and Iโ€™m focused on that and not what Iโ€™m losing.โ€

Get grateful

โ€œWe do bedtime gratitude where we take turns sharing things we are grateful for that day.โ€

Shelley Leveridge

Oklahoma City entrepreneur Shelley Leveridge practices nightly gratitude with her 5-year-old daughter.

โ€œWe take turns sharing things we are grateful for that day,โ€ said Leveridge.

Kourtney Aller, director of Childrenโ€™s Ministries at Church of the Servant, suggests asking kids what they would buy if they had unlimited funds, and then discussing what the family has that already meets their needs, or helping kids make gift tags to label everything they already have to be thankful for.

โ€œInstead of focusing on what they donโ€™t have, this helps them to be grateful for what they do have,โ€ said Aller, a mom of two.

An attitude of gratitude helps children realize โ€œstuffโ€ doesnโ€™t last forever and instead focus on their relationships and how they can make othersโ€™ lives better.

โ€œThey realize it will make them happy to make others happy,โ€ said Aller.

Quit comparisonย 

โ€œWe had comparison growing up, but it was more in the moment, then you went home and forgot about it. Now itโ€™s in kidsโ€™ faces all the time, and I find myself getting caught up in it sometimes, too.โ€

Kay Robinson

Director of student and community engagement at the University of Central Oklahoma Kay Robinson believes social media is entirely responsible for the comparison game played out among kids and adults alike.

โ€œWe had comparison growing up, but it was more in the moment, then you went home and forgot about it,โ€ said Robinson. โ€œNow itโ€™s in kidsโ€™ faces all the time, and I find myself getting caught up in it sometimes, too.โ€

Meyer talks to her girls about reality verses perception on social media, and she constantly reminds them of how she sees them.

โ€œWe tell them โ€˜you are a masterpiece and a wonder and marvel walking the earth,โ€™โ€ said Meyer.

When Engelkeโ€™s kids feel they donโ€™t measure up, she asks them to think through how to change the way they feel, their own wisdom and creativity giving them strength to solve the problem themselves. She encourages them to compliment others instead of focusing on feelings of envy.

โ€œPoint out ways kids can be happy for their friends instead,โ€ echoes Aller. โ€œThen they can let it go so jealousy doesnโ€™t consume them.โ€

Engelke recently asked her oldest daughter to list all the things sheโ€™s good at to combat feelings of discontent.

โ€œShe came up with a list of 50 things and I think surprised herself,โ€ said Engelke. โ€œShe realized sheโ€™s way more amazing than she gives herself credit for.โ€

Serve others

โ€œWhen weโ€™re so consumed with what we donโ€™t have itโ€™s hard to see how we can meet the needs of others around us,โ€ said Aller.

On the contrary, serving others gets kids focused outward. As a child, Leslie Illston, development and alumni relations officer at the University of Oklahoma, made blankets with her family for nursing home residents each Christmas.

โ€œWe asked for people who didnโ€™t have family visiting them and weโ€™d give them a blanket and ask to hear their stories,โ€ said Illston, who plans to continue the tradition with
her daughter.

Robinson requires students in her freshman success class to complete three hours of community service and write a paper about their experience, many coming away more thankful for their own blessings. Robinson believes the most impactful lesson in serving others for her 5-year-old son is through their work as a foster family.

โ€œI want to show him that even being a single mom on one income we have enough to give,โ€ said Robinson. โ€œIt doesnโ€™t matter if you are rich or living paycheck to paycheck, you can still find a way to help others.โ€

 

Resources for teaching contentment

For parents

The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who are Grounded, Generous and Smart, by Ron Lieber

Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World, by Kristen Welch

Iโ€™m Happy for You (Sort of โ€ฆ Not Really), by Kay Wills Wyma

 

Read together

The Berenstain Bears Count Their Blessings, by Stan Berenstain

Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?ย by Dr. Seuss

Gratitude Soup, by Olivia Rosewood

Just So Thankful, by Mercer Mayer

Just Enough and Not Too Much, by Kaethe Zemach

Kirby the Disgruntled Tree, by Lori Wick

Last Stop on Market Street, by Matt de la Peรฑa

The Sparkle Box, by Jill Hardie

Thanks a Million, by Nikki Grimes

Those Shoes, by Maribeth Belts

 

 

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