Many metro parents are in the unique position of caring for their children and caring for aging parents or grandparents. While physical health concerns can certainly mount as we age, mental health struggles can be a silent and often under-detected problem for the aging population. We spoke with Bonnie Campo, senior director of public relations for the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health & Substance Abuse Services, about the most important ways to support the mental health of aging family members.
1. Include aging loved ones in holiday celebrations — and throughout the year.
When families are together for the holidays, discuss resolutions for including older relatives in family fun during the upcoming year. That could include setting a time for weekly or monthly calls or FaceTimes and planning activities such as regular meals, coffee or walks together.
For families who don’t live close to each other, get creative to enjoy each others’ presence during the holiday season. FaceTime to watch the opening of gifts, play online games or bake a special dish over Zoom. Then, extend that spirit of togetherness throughout the year.
“My husband’s mother lives in Florida, so, for my family, we call multiple times a week – that’s the only time she sees her granddaughter until we make it to Florida,” said Campo. “We also send cards and care packages and then open them on the calls together. Those phone calls bring us together even when distance divides us.”
2. Be aware of the signs.
As individuals age, it can be challenging to determine if a symptom is a sign of a physical health problem or is actually a mental health issue. Symptoms of physical, mental and cognitive issues can often overlap.
Campo advises to watch aging relatives for incremental differences that could indicate a mental health issue, including changes in appearance, like a drastic haircut, reduced attention to personal hygiene or sudden weight gain or loss. Pulling away from social situations, isolation and losing interest in activities they once enjoyed are also key signs. An individual who’s received a difficult health diagnosis or who is experiencing grief over the loss of a spouse, friend or job can be at risk for mental health struggles.
“Loss tends to be great when you are in the aging population,” said Campo. “Sometimes we think they’ve experienced so much loss that they know how to handle it, but it can still be overwhelming, especially when considering loss as it relates not only to people but also to the loss of autonomy, hearing, mobility, vision and so on.”
3. Understand the risk of suicide.
In Oklahoma, 872 suicides were reported in 2022, the highest Campo has seen on record. Ages 65+ accounted for 20 percent of those deaths by suicide, the second highest age group in the state, according to ODMHSAS.
“We see this predominantly with older, white men,” said Campo. “This is a group that doesn’t always talk about their feelings. We are trying to encourage that it’s OK to talk to someone and they don’t have to do this alone. Older populations tend to create a plan, so we have to reach them before the first attempt.”
4. Create space for conversation.
Ask your aging loved one how they are doing — and really listen. Whether they’ve received a recent health diagnosis, have a challenging physical health condition, have lost someone close to them, retired from their job or just seem unlike their usual self, provide a safe space for them to share their feelings, and then affirm that what they’re going through is hard.
“We believe talk saves lives,” said Campo. “These are the generations that were taught to pull themselves up by their boot straps, so they may not be vocalizing mental health challenges.”
Rather than speaking in directives, like “you should” or “if you would only,” position yourself as a teammate ready to assist them in seeking help because you care about them.
5. Encourage mental well-being.
Talk with aging loved ones about incorporating practices like regular self-care, mindfulness and breathing techniques into their daily lives to enhance their mental well-being. Making time for consistent exercise, which could include walking or stretching, can help manage stress, anxiety and depression, as can staying connected to friends and family. Learning a new hobby, volunteering for a cause and prioritizing other activities they enjoy will also promote positive mental health.
6. Seek supportive resources.
The most important step family members can take is to connect aging relatives with mental health concerns to a trained behavioral health professional. According to the Association on Aging, as many as 70 percent of primary care visits for older adults are actually driven by psychological factors, like anxiety, depression or stress. While older adults in psychological distress utilize health care at a rate two to three times higher than non-distressed people, they’re often not screened for underlying causes of complaints.
“We’ve found that 45 percent of people who died by suicide had seen their primary care physician within 30 days, but less than 1 percent of those had been seen in our certified community behavior clinics,” said Campo. “This tells us connecting people to evidence-based treatment really works.”
Call or text 988 to be connected with trained behavioral health specialists who will listen to your concerns and help formulate a plan with actionable next steps. 988 is a beneficial resource both for the caregiver and for the parent or grandparent they’re caring for to connect with someone to talk to. Learn more about 988 at 988Oklahoma.com.
Signs an aging relative might be considering suicide:
- Giving away personal items. For aging relatives, this could include clearing out their home.
- Withdrawing from family and friends, saying goodbyes or isolating themselves.
- Making abrupt appearance changes. In the aging population, this could include neglecting hygiene.
- Engaging in risky behaviors. This could include substance use or risky financial behavior.
- Losing interest in things they once loved, including activities and relationships.
- Talking about wanting to die, being a burden, having no reason to live or ending the pain.
If you see or hear these signs or have any concerns a loved one could be considering suicide, call or text 988 immediately.
Editor’s note: This article is part of a 10-month series of articles and podcasts with 988 Mental Health Lifeline. Find the full series at metrofamilymagazine.com/
