Are We Raising Successful Kids or Stressed Out Ones?
Brrring! That’s the sound of the school bell ringing, signaling the end of the school day. But for many students, it’s only the beginning of a marathon of after-school activities, sports, and enrichment programs — not to mention squeezing in homework, dinner, showers, and a full eight hours of sleep before doing it all over again the next day.
This is what modern childhood looks like: jam-packed, fast-moving, and exhausting. It’s teaching them discipline, teamwork, and life skills. But it also leads us to one important question: Are we actually raising successful children, or simply stressing them out?
Childhood on a Schedule
Today’s children have access to a myriad of extracurricular activities. From sports and the arts to educational opportunities and school clubs, their schedules are often a beast to manage.
For some families, those busy afternoons and weekends consist of baseball, basketball, dance, cheerleading, theatre, and more, along with the countless hours of practice needed to thrive in those chosen activities. Did we mention game times too? These packed schedules create nonstop busyness and often leave families juggling unpredictable days.
Michelle Shelton, a mom of three, shares that her family doesn’t have a typical week. “It depends on what sport is in season and what activity is going on. Then you shift to the summer schedule, which can be just as crazy as to who’s going when and where. If I was going to describe a typical week, it’s a lot of activity,” she says.
Why Parents Say Yes
There are several benefits to participating in these activities, from developing time management and prioritization skills to learning teamwork and how to handle both winning and losing. Many parents see these activities as valuable opportunities for their children to build character and grow into more well-rounded individuals.
Then there’s the comparison to other children and the fear of their own kids falling behind, adding even more pressure to participate. Kodi Brown, M.Ed., Ed.S., a behavior specialist and parent educator, says today’s families are facing a different kind of pressure than previous generations. “There is now enormous cultural pressure to ensure children are constantly engaged in sports, tutoring, extracurriculars, and enrichment programs,” she explains. “Parents often fear that if their child slows down, they may fall behind socially, academically, or developmentally.”
Shelton shares that most parents do feel that pressure. “There’s the feeling that, ‘If I don’t put them in the club sport and they don’t get that training, will they make the middle school or the high school team? Are they going to be as prepared as their friends?’ That’s a giant guess we’re making sometimes. You don’t want your kid to show up and not be ready, but looking back now, there are God-given talents some kids are going to have regardless of elite training, and so they’re going to have that edge on your kid no matter what you do with your kid.”
At the heart of it, most parents say yes to activities because they don’t want their children to miss out on opportunities, and they’re making those decisions with good intentions.
When Busy Becomes Too Much
Mom of four Scarlett Pourciau’s children are involved in a variety of sports and activities. She encourages families to be intentional about the activities they choose, trying new things while also “protecting the schedule.” When the busyness becomes too much for children, the signs are clear. She’s seen it in her own home through tears and tempers.
According to Brown, “Children respond to overload in very different ways. Some children become emotionally explosive, while others completely shut down.”
Brown shares some common signs to look for:
● Meltdowns over seemingly small situations
● Increased irritability or emotional sensitivity
● Frequent frustration or anger
● Withdrawal or emotional shutdown
● Difficulty transitioning between activities
● Sleep problems or exhaustion
● Increased anxiety or perfectionism
● Complaints of headaches or stomachaches
● Loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed
● Resistance to attending practices, lessons, or events
The Role of Boredom & Unstructured Time
Downtime is not wasted time. Just as there are benefits to participating in activities, there are also benefits to simply being.
According to Brown, “Unstructured time is incredibly important for child development. Free play, rest, imagination, and even boredom help children build emotional regulation, creativity, problem-solving skills, independence, frustration tolerance, and social confidence.”
Pourciau even recalls a recent vacation when she and her husband loved keeping a full itinerary, while their children expressed a desire to slow down, relax, and simply sit on the beach. It was a shift for the family, but a welcome one.
Successful or Stressed?
So what are parents really doing? They’re giving their children opportunities, preparing them for success in a world that feels busier than ever.
But even with the best intentions, packed schedules can sometimes become overwhelming for children. Brown encourages parents to look beyond accomplishments and pay attention to how activities are affecting their child as a whole. “A healthy schedule supports the whole child, not just achievement. The key question is not simply, ‘Is my child successful?’ but rather, ‘How is this schedule affecting my child emotionally, physically, socially, and behaviorally?’”
Pull out the calendar, talk with the kiddos, and find out what drives their hearts and what they’re truly passionate about.
Brown continues, “Children can absolutely benefit from sports, structure, activities, and enrichment. The goal is balance. Healthy schedules still leave room for rest, emotional recovery, family connection, and flexibility.”
Finding Balance
There’s no one-size-fits-all formula for raising successful, well-rounded children. Every family and every season looks different.
That’s why Pourciau encourages parents to give themselves grace. Some weeks may feel beautifully balanced, while others feel like pure survival mode, and that’s okay.
Childhood is not a checklist to complete perfectly. It’s about creating space for children to grow, explore their interests, rest, connect with family, and simply be kids.
At the end of the day, success may not be found in a perfectly packed schedule, but in raising children who feel supported, healthy, and loved along the way.
Perhaps the most important lesson for families is that every child is different. One child may thrive with a packed schedule of practices, rehearsals, and competitions, while another may need more downtime to feel their best. Success cannot be measured by the number of trophies on a shelf or activities listed on a calendar.
Parents are encouraged to regularly check in with their children and ask simple but meaningful questions: Are you still enjoying this activity? Do you feel stressed? What would you change about your schedule? These conversations can help children feel heard and teach them to recognize their own needs and limits.
Parents can also model healthy boundaries by protecting family dinners, prioritizing sleep, and allowing time for quiet moments at home. A night spent playing board games, taking a walk, or simply relaxing together can be just as valuable as another practice or lesson.
As families navigate the pressures of modern parenting, the goal doesn’t have to be doing more. Instead, it may be choosing what matters most. By creating schedules that reflect their values rather than outside expectations, parents can help their children grow into capable, confident, and emotionally healthy adults—children who not only achieve success but also enjoy the journey along the way.
