Back in high school, my 1976 Chevy Chevette was the oldest car in the parking lot. I had to jump through a series of hoops just to get it to actually move, including putting the car in neutral and having my friends push it! If you’re like many parents (especially those with young kids), you probably relate to my old car a little bit more than you’d like. You may feel like you’re spinning your wheels, navigating life in neutral and not making as much forward progress on your goals as you want. In the mental health field, there’s a term for this feeling: languishing. You may be languishing if you find yourself regularly experiencing feelings of:
- Emptiness
- Stagnation
- Burnout
- Restlessness
So, what’s the solution? Sometimes, we just need a little push — just like my old car did — to move in a direction of growth and contentment as parents. Today, I’d like to share a roadmap with you that can help you languish less and flourish more.
- Go with the flow. In his book Flow, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes the flow experience as the “state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.”Does this experience sound familiar at all? Think about how you spent your time before you became a parent. What did you do that put you in a flow state? Maybe it was exercising, painting, reading a book, solving a puzzle, playing games, taking photos, conversing with friends, fishing, playing sports, cooking, etc. Pick one pastime to revive and then carve out a few extra minutes each day or week for it!
- Leverage your strengths. Even with a full tank, you only have a limited supply of energy on any given day. One of the most effective ways to maximize that energy is to focus on your strengths as much as you can. We all have personal and social resources we can harness to help us thrive. Make a list of your talents, abilities, knowledge, skills, social networks, community contacts and other resources you can lean on to change your circumstances and bring fulfillment to your life. The more intentionally with which you can embrace your strengths and resources, the more tools you’ll have to get out of this rut!
- Rediscover your values. Even though our values guide our entire personalities and worldviews, we can still lose sight of them in times of stress. Another great way to overcome languishing is to identify your values and make sure they are aligned with everything else that you do. Your values are a key component of finding more meaning and purpose. Make sure you take the time to reflect on them!
The bottom line? Languishing and burnout are part of the human experience — especially as a busy parent. Centuries ago, the poet and philosopher Henry David Thoreau even spoke to this experience when he wrote, “Most people lead lives of quiet desperation.” The good news is we don’t have to get stuck in this state. Hopefully, these strategies will help you change gears and get back on the road to a full life of flourishing in no time!
Michael Dickerson is the CEO and founder of Dickerson Consulting Group LLC, a consulting firm specializing in human resources, workplace mental health and wellbeing. Michael holds a certificate in Applied Positive Psychology from the Flourishing Center in New York, which is one of the world’s leading institutions in the field of Positive Psychology. He is the author of new book “Struggle Well at Work.”
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