Planning a family vacation can be a challenge, especially when families are faced with the daunting task of including teenagers. Your teenager may use every excuse in the book to explain why he or she shouldn’t go on the family vacation. This is where parents need to exercise authority in firm but loving ways, and not give in to all their teen’s reasons for not going on the vacation.

Start talking about the trip well in advance of the actual date, so your teen can begin to incorporate and anticipate what this experience may bring. Have everyone write down their dream vacation, including second and third destination choices. Every year that your teens are at home, plan a dream vacation to give them a sense of adventure, provide valuable practice at planning for a goal, and to prove that their ideas are valid and important.

Set parameters for the vacation if you want their input and help. For instance: “We have six days, and our budget does not include air fare. What’s within driving distance that will still allow time for activities everyone will enjoy?” Your teen can use his or her Internet skills to research the family trip.

It’s rare for children to enjoy doing the same activities, so encourage a spirit of compromise. Get creative if your teens don’t. How do teenagers know if they like something or not if they’ve never tried it? Offer a gentle nudge and a few suggestions and, if you’re stonewalled by your teens, then it becomes your activity to choose—and that’s okay!

The goal for families is to share experiences and spend quality time as families, not to see the world or to travel to exotic places. Teens are observant and excited about life. They love spontaneity and being lighthearted. Adults have to be careful not to make the vacation an Olympic event—driving long hours without a break and packing too many activities into a day is not fun for anyone. Find a balance of active and relaxing activities.

Parents should leave the laptop at home and keep cell phone calls to a minimum. Teens are observing how parents prioritize time and energy. Vacations should not be a continuation of work and home. Parents have teachable moments when they can show enthusiasm for an adventure or for the unexpected.

We know that teens are becoming independent thinkers, and that they want less and less input from parents. The bulk of your parenting is already completed by the time your child becomes a teenager, but they still need for us to set boundaries, to encourage and love them unconditionally, and to applaud their new skills and independent behaviors.
Our culture is one that encourages the fast-paced, high-tech lifestyle. Families must look at their goals and set aside time and energy to enjoy and celebrate life.

Think back to your most cherished vacation or time with your family. I expect that it wasn’t where you went or what you saw that made the vacation memorable. It was shared experience as a family!

Both of my sons are adults now and we recently reminisced about one of our family vacations to the mountains. We had taken a long and taxing hike and as we made our descent, my husband and I spotted a rushing mountain stream. We looked at each other and spontaneously ran toward it, pulling of hiking boots and socks. We ran, fully clothed, into that stream. Our teenage sons joined us for a most unexpected but delightful experience. That’s the event that they remember about that trip—laughing, frolicking, and having fun as a family.

Tips for Successful Trip Planning

• Start talking about the vacation well in advance.
• Encourage participation and planning by teens.
• Give clear parameters for the vacation.
• Talk about what is important for the trip.
• Find a balance of active and relaxed activities.
• Leave work at home.
• Model spontaneity and enthusiasm
• Make family memories, and have fun doing it.

Sherry Siler is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice in Edmond. She works with individuals, families and couples. She is married to Tim, and they are the parents of two grown sons.