We all have private struggles we would rather no one knew about. If someone knew, would it change their opinion of us and negatively affect our relationship?

Unfortunately, many Oklahomans live with the secret of domestic violence. Could sharing such a  secret assist us in overcoming issues inside the home? Is there really power in exposing our darkest secrets? 

Unsettling Statistics
Most of us realize that domestic abuse is more than a serious social problem—it’s a crime. A recent Family Circle article by G. K. Wallace offered these statistics on violence:

• 74% of batterers report being abused as children
  
• 42% of those arrested for violent crimes report being abused children
• 50% of mothers of abused children report being abused themselves
• 75% of boys who witness domestic violence were found to have behavioral problems
  

In a national television survey, 92% of adults said they believe family violence is a much bigger problem than most people think. What else do people believe, rightly or wrongly? Here is what the Family Circle/Lifetime Television Survey found: 62% believe that men who abuse will never change and 79% think children who grow up in violent homes will have violent adult relationships. Statistics support both beliefs, but suggest that with early intervention some can beat the odds.

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• • Adults are split on whether a woman who stays in an abusive relationship is responsible for her plight. We know from statistics that violence increases the moment women attempt to leave.
  
• • Although most people condemned hitting someone in anger, over half of the adults surveyed think anyone can get angry enough to hit a woman, child, or older person once.
• • Most adults believe it is wrong for a man and woman to hit each other, but more men say it might be acceptable in some circumstances.
• • The survey reports a full 98% of adults say both sexes are capable of emotional, psychological, and verbal abuse. Almost all say women can physically abuse men, but about 85% of victims are women.

Close to Home
We all are touched by domestic violence in some way. Oklahoma ranks in the top ten of the 50 states in child deaths, child abuse, child neglect, teen suicide, incarcerations per capita, children in poverty, and divorce.

State law enforcement responds to more than 15,000 domestic violence calls yearly. Nearly 450 Oklahomans take their own life each year.

As concerned individuals, we have the ability to positively impact our community through our behavior, especially in our family roles. As parents, family members, and neighbors, we can make a significant contribution to decreasing domestic violence in our communities by treating others with compassion and empathy.

Counseling Solutions
Counseling focuses on working to change abusive patterns in a caring  and safe environment. Counselors work on behavioral alternatives to stop the cycle of violence. Clients are helped to grow in ways that enable them to live free from violence and abuse.

If you or a loved one needs immediate help, dial 911 or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE. For tips on how to talk to kids about family violence, go to EndAbuse.org.

Peggy Foster Rackley, M Ed, works as a Licensed Professional Counselor within the Counseling and Consulting Offices of Paul Tobin, Ph D and Ann Benjamin, M Ed. Contact her at 405-340-4321.