“That’s not fair! All my friends have a later curfew than I do! Don’t you trust me?!
Sound familiar? If you have a teenager in the house, you’ve probably heard those words many times. You’re not alone. Agreeing upon a curfew is a constant struggle for most teens and their parents.
But that’s no reason to ignore the issue. Teens need—and often subconsciously desire—structure and limits. By working calmly and rationally together, it is possible for you and your teen to devise a curfew that is acceptable to both of you.
What’s Reasonable?
Karen Martin, social worker and resident expert on the web site ParentingAdolescents.com, suggests that teens adhere to the curfew set by local ordinances. In Edmond and Norman teens under age 18 must be in by midnight every day of the week. Oklahoma City’s curfew is midnight on weekdays and 1am on weekends for kids under 18. If you feel the local curfew is too late, decide on a time that matches your teen’s maturity and responsibility level.
Keep in mind that if your son or daughter is employed and gets off work at a late hour, the curfew may need to be adjusted to allow your teen time for socializing after work, when appropriate.
Sentry Duty
An established curfew is worth nothing if you aren’t going to require your child to abide by it. But enforcing the time limit requires persistence, and possibly a loss of sleep, on your part.
Some methods for tracking a teen’s curfew adherence while getting a decent night’s sleep for yourself include:
* Napping on the couch until your child gets home.
* Setting your alarm clock to go off at the time of curfew. Your teen can shut off the alarm when she gets home.
* Sleeping in your teen’s bed until he gets home.
* Investing in a telephone answering machine that allows you to leave a recorded, timed memo at the touch of a button. Your teen should leave an “I’m home!” message for you to verify the time in the morning.
Clear and Consistent Consequences
Teens will naturally test the limits imposed by parents. Expect it to happen and discuss the consequences for doing so ahead of time.
Breaking curfew should result in consequences related to the offense. Martin suggests making a teen come home early the next night out, equivalent to the time they went over the stated curfew. For example, if they were 30 minutes late on Friday, they will be expected home 30 minutes earlier on Saturday.
Lisa Carpenter is the mother of three daughters, ages 20, 19, and 18. She is a staff writer for Pikes Peak (Colo.) Parent magazine. Her work has also appeared in many other parenting publications.