Holidays generate fantastic expectation in adults, teenagers, and children alike. When reality does not measure up to our fantasies, we are often at risk of disillusionment, disappointment, and depression. Holiday stress and feeling down are common complaints as teens move through the holiday season.
“Leftovers” often consist of more than turkey. Sometimes, leftovers are unresolved feelings or issues within the family. The causes and cures of these seemingly inevitable seasonal afflictions vary widely depending upon each individual’s vulnerability to stress and depression.
During holiday preparation, many parents are strained and suffering from overload. No doubt this pressure comes from wanting to provide their families the best holiday ever. Help your teen to understand that parents continue to grow and change, and have challenges of their own with jobs, homes, their parents, extended family, and busy schedules.
Isn’t it ironic that what families need most—relaxation to enjoy the festivities together—often brings the greatest stress? Since the entire family comes together for a few days of festive celebration, one can understand the expectation and hope for the “perfect occasion.” Since families are not perfect throughout the year, they’re unlikely to be perfect during the holiday season.
If tension is mounting at your house during the holidays, change the pattern to ease the pressure. Here are some help tips:
Slow down and reconnect. Give your teens 10 minutes of your uninterrupted attention. When you get together at the end of the day, put everything else on hold. Sit down with them and just listen to whatever they have to say.
Give teens a role. Think about how you can include the teens in the ongoing holiday preparations. If they feel they are participating, they won’t have the need to act up or demand your attention. Perhaps they can help with gift-wrapping, decorating, or addressing cards. Remember, you are training your teen in a new skill that will contribute to their sense of competence later in life. You will also see them grow in pride as they admire their accomplishments.
Get them busy in the kitchen. Find a way to include your teenagers and perhaps their friends in cooking or preparations, especially for their activities or guests. Preparing the food helps them feel they can share with others.
Include teens in gift decisions. Invite them to make suggestions and think of special gifts for family members. Encourage them to be thoughtful and emphasize the “season of giving.”
Be aware of your teen’s moods. Ask how they are feeling. Are they missing their friends from school? Help them to understand that mood swings are normal during the teenage years.
Observe the rule of two. Try to limit social obligations that take you away from the family to a maximum of two a week. Make special efforts to involve your teens in your holiday shopping and activities.
Savor the upcoming traditions. Observe traditional family rituals and discuss them with your teens. Help them understand the historical meaning of such rituals.
‘Tis the season to celebrate the spirit of giving, loving, and being. After all, this is the one time of the year when we are encouraged to do what we should be doing 365 days a year: enjoying our family. Here’s wishing you and your family a safe, happy, and healthy holiday season.
Peggy Foster Rackley, MEd, works as a Licensed Professional Counselor within the Counseling and Consulting Offices of Paul Tobin, PhD, and Ann Benjamin, MEd. To schedule a consultation regarding teenage behaviors/attitudes of concern or parenting issues.