A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary.
                                                                                         – writer Dorothy Fisher

For most of us, our mothers are our foundation, the base from which the rest of our lives are built. But motherly love is not confined to birth children. Rose Harper is proof of that.

Rose and her late husband George cared for 24 foster children, adopted two children, and had four biological children. The story of the Harper’s large family began in the early 1970s when their oldest daughter was 15 and they had three younger sons. They adopted a baby girl. A year later, they become foster parents.

James was 12 when he came to live with the Harpers. “The family he had been with previously planned to adopt him, but it didn’t work out,” Rose said. That disappointment left James discouraged and depressed.

The Harpers were eager to give James a loving home where he would be happy. But they soon learned that would be more difficult than they anticipated. James had endured horrific physical and emotional abuse at the hands of his birth mother, but his three biological siblings were not abused. From age 6-12, James was placed with several foster families.

The Harpers adopted James, but he still struggled with his past. Rose explained, “He would ask me, ‘What did I do to make my parents treat me that way?’” Rose reassured him there was nothing he could’ve possibly done to deserve the treatment he received.

“He really had trouble bonding with people,” Rose said. After graduation, James spent some time in the Army. Over time, the Harpers lost touch with him.

But James left an indelible impression on the Harpers—they knew he was not the only child who needed love and encouragement. They continued to open their hearts and home to foster children. “We had fun being foster parents,” Rose said. “Sometimes we wanted to pull our hair out—just like any parents. But most of it was fun.”

Rose remembers two half sisters who were placed in the Harpers’ home. The girls came from a large family and their father didn’t make enough money to keep food on the table. Even after weeks with the Harpers, the girls ate huge portions—as if they were worried it might be their last meal.

The Harpers took their foster children as many places as they could—to the zoo, the Omniplex (now Science Museum Oklahoma), and to church each Sunday. “I always told our social workers that up front,” Rose said. “That we’d be taking the children to church and if that was going to be a problem, then the placement wouldn’t work.”

The Start of a Helpful Organization
Seeing the Harper pew at First Presbyterian Church in Edmond full of foster children prompted many of the church members to help by gathering clothing for the kids. “Then it grew,” Rose said.

In the beginning, the Harpers kept the extra clothing in a spare room of their home. They accepted donations from members of the church and spread the word about the available clothing to the Foster Parents Association.

The Harpers learned that foster children often need more help than the state can provide. So in 1984, they started Citizens Caring for Children (CCC). The organization’s mission is to break the cycle of abuse and neglect for Oklahoma foster children by addressing their material, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs. As the organization grew, Rose started spending more and more of her time at CCC. At that time, the Harpers stopped having foster children in their home.

The Power of Faith
But Rose did not stop mothering foster children. The Harpers met Allen Carson at an independent living workshop led by CCC when he was a senior in high school. Allen was placed in foster care when he was eight years old and had lived in several foster homes and shelters before being placed with his older brother’s family at age 10. He stayed there until adulthood.

Even with that stability, Allen had a difficult time as a teenager. He had a younger sister who was not removed from the family home and she died as a result. “I met them [the Harpers] when I was trying to put some things back together in my life,” Allen said.

He vividly remembers what George Harper said at the workshop where they met: “You can be whatever you want to be.” The message was familiar to Allen. It was what George said next that resonated: “But for you guys, it’s going to be really hard.”

Allen knew the Harpers understood the extra struggles faced by foster children. Although at age 18 his time as a foster child was coming to an end, the Harpers provided emotional support that served as a safety net for Allen. “My growing-up years were tough, but the first few years out of high school were worst,” he said. “They became, in many ways, like surrogate parents to me,” Allen said.

He spent a year at OU, but because of low grades was “invited not to return.” The Harpers asked him to speak at workshops like the one he’d attended and eventually asked him to work at CCC. They also convinced him to transfer to UCO and complete his degree. “They believed in me,” he said. “They said, one day you’re going to go to seminary.” His response was, “Yeah, right.” But Rose and George did not give up on Allen.

“We all have times in our lives when we want to walk away,” Allen said. “But something keeps most of us from doing that. They were a part of what kept me going—we had an investment in each other and I didn’t want to disappoint them.” Allen finished his degree at UCO and completed 87 hours of seminary at Southern Methodist University. He is now the pastor of the First United Methodist Church in Coweta, Oklahoma.

The Mentoring Continues
Rose still spends most of her time at the CCC office where she serves as the Mentor Director. She matches foster children with adult mentors to provide stability in children’s lives. Though children may change foster homes repeatedly, mentor matches often last years. Several of the young children she matched when the program started in 2002 are now teens and still have the same mentor. “I love doing the mentoring program,” Rose said. “It’s a privilege to meet the people who volunteer.”

Today, the walls of Rose’s office are lined with pictures of children. In one group of photos directly across from her desk, the children are wearing fashions from the 1970s and 80s. Some are serious, some are smiling. Their faces and the time they spent in her home guide Rose as she talks to social workers and listens to foster children so she can match them with just the right mentor—the one who will believe in them and encourage them not to give up.

Each month, about 8,000 children are a part of the foster care system in Oklahoma, with about one-quarter of those in Oklahoma County. Whether they’ve been removed from the home because of abuse, parental incarceration, or a death in the family, they have endured a traumatic event and need support. Here are organizations that could use your help.

Citizens Caring for Children (405-348-9034, CitizensCaringForChildren.org) sponsors programs for foster children, including monthly birthday parties, gathering clothing and school supplies, and organizing the Santa Stop holiday party. They are in need of financial donations and gifts of new clothing, particularly socks, underwear, jeans, and pajamas. One of the most important ways CCC touches young lives is through their mentoring program. There is always a need for more mentors, particularly male mentors to work with boys in foster care.

Bair Foundation (405-759-2670, Bair.org), a Christian foster care agency.

CASA Program (405-524-8999, OklahomaCASA.org) recruits, screens, and trains volunteers to be Court Appointed Special Advocates for abused and neglected children in juvenile proceedings to ensure their needs and best interests are served while they are wards of the juvenile courts.

Eagle Ridge Institute (405-840-1359, EagleRidgeInstitute.com) offers a variety of services for children including therapeutic foster care.

One Church One Child (800-865-0225, OneChurchOneChildOkla.com) uses churches and other organizations to explain adoption and foster care needs. Offers support groups; seeks adoptive and foster care families.

Sunbeam Family Services (405-528-7721, SunbeamFamilyServices.org) provides foster care placement for emergency placement and therapeutic and transitional foster care.

Youth Services for Oklahoma County (405-235-7537, ysoc.org) offers a variety of services for young people, including an emergency youth shelter and support for homeless high school students.

Therapeutic Foster Care Agencies
Foster children come in all forms, including those with special emotional, mental, and physical needs. These agencies specialize in placing such children.

Choices for Life, 405-751-0800.
The Mentor Network, 405-810-0313.
Oklahoma Mentor, 405-942-0034, ext 23.
Shadow Mountain Behavioral Health Systems, 918-493-3209.
Southwest Foster Care, 405-848-0011, SouthwestFosterCare.com.
Specialized Alternatives for Families and Youth, 405-942-5570 safy.org.
Wesleyan Youth, 877-880-2999, WesleyanYouth.org.
Western Plains Youth & Family Services, 405-528-2011.

Gayleen Rabakukk is a freelance writer who spends her time in Oklahoma City keeping up with her teenage and preschool daughters. She holds a BA in journalism from the University of Central Oklahoma and is a regular contributor to MetroFamily Magazine.