by Stewart Beasley, Ph.D. and Lori Beasley, Ed.D

Dr. Stewart:
First, it helps to recognize that parent-teacher conferences provide an excellent opportunity to enrich both a child’s school experience and parents’ relationship with their child’s school. Both you and the teacher need to maximize the brief time you will have together. Teachers bring to the table knowledge of curriculum, classroom organization, and his or her philosophy of the classroom experience. You have a wealth of experience and knowledge regarding your child’s personality, aptitudes, interests, and physical and emotional development. Exchanging and sharing information helps set your children on a course of success.

Dr. Lori:
We suggest you assemble some of your children’s school work that you might wish to discuss. Take any notes or letters the teacher has sent home or information you may have obtained about your children’s school performance from the school’s website. Before the conference, ask your children if they have special concerns about school. Look over the list of suggested questions at the end of this article and choose a few that are relevant. It may be helpful to write your questions down so you will not overlook important points you wish to discuss.

Dr. Stewart:
On the day of the conference, arrive on time or a few minutes early in case the conference prior to yours ends early or is cancelled at the last minute. Time is short and beginning late will give you less time to talk about your child. Most parents feel some anxiety while waiting for the conference to begin. As a former classroom teacher, I can assure you the teacher probably has a few butterflies too. Review your questions while waiting and take a positive approach when you sit down with the teacher. Set the tone of the conference by complimenting the teacher on the classroom, the examples of students’ work posted on bulletin boards, for creating a positive learning environment, etc. When the discussion about your child begins, keep communication open and show that you desire to work collaboratively with the teacher.

Dr. Lori:
It’s possible that the teacher may share some concerns about your child. Remember that it is just as hard for a teacher to discuss difficult news about your child as it is for you to receive it. This is the time to forge a team approach emphasizing a “What can we do to assist this child?” attitude. This may also be a time to discuss issues at home that may affect your child’s school performance. Parents often fail to realize how much the death of a relative or pet, a parent threatening to leave the family, or other life-changing events have a big impact on a child. If this information is delicate, discuss your concern about confidentiality and privacy with the teacher.

Dr. Stewart:
If issues of learning, socialization, or behavior arise from either you or your child’s teacher, don’t hesitate to ask questions. Ask your questions firmly but diplomatically and not confrontationally. If you do not understand terms that the teacher uses, ask for clarification. If needed, ask for examples and the context in which the behaviors occur. After discussing these issues, formulate a plan with the teacher about what can be done at home and at school so that your child can reach his/her potential.

Dr. Lori:
Parent-teacher conference day may feel long for teachers, but short for parents! It may be necessary to have a follow-up conference in a few weeks to assure that progress is being made. It’s also a nice gesture to send a brief note of thanks to your child’s teacher soon after the conference.

Dr. Stewart:
In the majority of parent-teacher conferences, parents hear that they have nothing to worry about. This is certainly a reassuring outcome, but the point of your conference is to explore the best ways to set your child’s pathway toward a happy and successful school year. This goal is achieved with the healthy sharing of information between two experts—the teacher and you.

One final word: It is helpful for both parents to attend their children’s parent-teacher conference. This is a shared parenting responsibility that will also do wonders for strengthening your marriage and your family.

Suggested Questions to Ask Your Child’s Teacher
PreSchool Students:

Does he share and take turns?
Is he happy in school?
Does he have any special interests?
Does he focus during large-group activities? Small group activities?
Is he self-directed in choosing activities during free-time or does he need your help?
What are his favorite activities?
Is he willing to take risks?
Is he able to settle conflict verbally?
Does he prefer working alone or with other children?
Is he a leader or follower or combination?
What can I do at home to support what is being done at school?
Do you have any materials you would recommend we have at home?

 

Elementary Students:
Should I help her with homework or do you prefer that it be totally her work?
Should I review and correct her homework with her?
If she is not doing her homework, how will this be communicated?
Does she follow directions? Pay attention?
Is she happy at school?
Is there a time that you meet with children who need extra help?
Are there any indications of academic problems?
Is she sensitive to the needs of others?
With whom does she play?
Is she able to resolve conflicts with her peers?
In what subjects is she weakest? Strongest?
Do you have any materials you would recommend we have at home?

 

Stewart Beasley, Ph.D. is a Family Psychologist in private practice in Edmond and Oklahoma City, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the OU Medical School, Adjunct professor of Family and Child Development at UCO, and the father of three. Lori Beasley, Ed.D, is Associate Professor of Family Life Education at the University of Central Oklahoma and the mother of (the same!) three children.