“I’m so busy; I never have fun anymore!” Sounds like the whining of a forty-something but in fact, it is a frequent complaint of many middle and high school kids. Now that school’s well underway, our preteens and teens are faced with an influx of heavily-scheduled days.

According to a research study from the University of Michigan, there has been a cultural change in the use of free time for our kids. Between 1981 and 1997, there was a 50% drop in unstructured outdoor activities and a dramatic increase in structured sports or passive leisure activity (watching siblings play ball for example). This can partially explain the popularity of PDAs and day timers—they are not just for homework anymore. Keep in mind that once your young person enters middle school, he loses his “recess” time, while his responsibilities and work loads are increasing.

So why have we as parents fostered so much “busyness” in the nonschool hours? Likely we have been influenced by all of the scary research about the effects of too much unstructured time. We don’t want our kids to have too much time to get into trouble, and that is a legitimate concern. There is also a great pressure to keep our kids competitive. It is a reality that many kids are enrolled in extracurricular activities from the time they can toddle, and their years of training are impressive by age eight. But is there any time for fun? In an effort to keep our kids active in something, we may have gone too far in the other direction.

Some psychologists are calling this generation of teens “overscheduled and under connected.” Every night of the week our communities provide opportunity to use up any of the free time available to our kids. Opportunity is a good thing, but we need to stress the importance of balance to our kids too. Work and play should each have a proportion.

Fun is often something that happens when you are spending time just hanging out. Helping our kids look for and plan for balance in their weekly schedules will require us to also take a closer look at our own schedules. Are we modeling a balanced life? Yes, I am suggesting that we schedule time for fun.

Fun as a family has little chance to happen if our family time is spent grabbing drive-thru dinners on the way to the next event. Preteens and teens very much need the time to have fun as a family and “down time” to connect with you.

In a suburb of New Jersey, an entire town declares “Family Night Off” once a year. The Mayor proclaims the evening to be spent as a family and all after-school sports, religious programs, homework, etc. are canceled. It’s a great start, but our kids will need our consistent guidance and example to develop a healthy lifestyle that makes good use of free time. Let the fun begin!

Lisa L. Marotta, Ph.D., is a Licensed Clinical/School Psychologist in private practice with the Offices of Paul Tobin and Ann Benjamin in Edmond. She provides individual counseling to children, teens, adults, and families, and is a frequent public speaker on parenting issues. Dr. Marotta also offers an educational group for young girls entering middle school. Lisa and her husband, Sal, enjoy raising their 'tween and teenage daughters.