March 10, 2010 - I am so sorry it has taken me so long to get back on here. I'll start with my stay in St Francis and then I will update you on the latest news.

Honestly, I don't remember much of the month of February. I remember sitting and waiting in the ER with a million sick people all around me for about 9 hours. I was sitting there freezing and shivering and was wrapped in like 10 blankets and my sister's jacket but no one would stop to take my temperature until after 7:00 when they finally had shift change. I remember completely passing out when I tried to go to the bathroom and when I woke up Crystal and a few nurses were trying to get me back into my bed. I remember being taken to ICU, but it only seemed like I was there for a couple of days. I don't know where the other week of it went. I remember some of my visitors. I was told I had been hallucinating about little boys hiding under my bed and cats and butterflies being in my room and even though I was on the seventh floor I could have sworn there was a bearded man standing outside my window smoking cigarettes and talking on his cell phone. I guess they had me on a crazy combination of pain meds.

I remember arguing with the nurses because they wanted to turn the bed alarm on so if my foot even touched the ground it would ring the alarm at the nurses station. So I couldn't even go to the bathroom by myself. And this was long after I was out of ICU and in my own room on the oncology floor. I was really weak and it was hard for me to walk at first. I had to start off with a walker, then a cane, then a person, then by myself. But I worked some strength back up in my legs.

I know when they took out the infected port I had sepsis because they waited so long. My neck, arm and shoulder were bright red from the infection spreading. They had me on heavy duty antibiotics starting in the ER once they finally took my temperature.

I miss my sister! I can't believe the two months she was here from Germany just flew by like that! She was such a big help with McKenzie and talking to doctors and taking care of me.

Yesterday was my last IV antibiotic at home! Now we just have to maintain the wound dressing. They couldn't just sew me back up where the port was taken out, so it has to be cleaned out and repacked twice a day until it is healed. My new oncologist started me on an oral chemo pill called Xeloda. I take four every morning and three every evening for two weeks, then one week off. The infectious disease doctor that is handling my wound care said I am healing very nicely and quickly. The next chemo I will be on is Avastin, but it interferes with wound healing so my port site has to be completely healed before we start that. I will also be getting Lupron injections every three months, Aranesp shots for anemia every week or two, and Zemeta though an IV (or my pick line that I am keeping in my arm until we can figure out what to do about another port). I should be getting another Pet scan in the next week or so. I will tell you more then!

Love to all,

Diana

March 1, 2010

My name is Crystal. I am Diana's sister and she asked me to update her journal for her since she doesn't remember much about her stay in the hospital.

On February 2nd, Diana went back to the hospital for an infection in her port.

We arrived at the ER around noon and finally got into a room around 9:30 pm. By that time she went from walking in sick and needing attention to nearly dying and ending up in ICU because her infection became sepsus.

She spent 8 or 9 days in ICU and then another few weeks on the Oncology floor.  She had surgery to take the port out and then another one to clean more infection out.  She was very sick and we nearly lost her to the infection, but her body recovered, slowly, but surely...  We are at our parents' now and she is getting home health care. She still needs an IV antibiotic every day and her dressing from her surgery has to be changed twice a day. The home health nurse taught my mom how to take care of it and she is doing a really good job, surprising herself even.

Diana hasn't had any chemo in over a month and they have to wait for her body to heal some more before they will start again. They will be trying a different combination because the other chemo she was on affected her blood count too much.  She is really tired, she does still have quite a bit of pain, not much of an appetite and sometimes feels nauseous.

We had lots of well-wishes, visitors and best of all prayers while she was in the hospital.  Thank you all for all of your support.  We all love Diana so your support has meant so much to her and to our family.  God Bless.

January 25, 2010 - Today is my 32nd birthday. I did spend the morning in chemo, but it really was not that bad. There are some really sweet patients in there to visit with, my crossword puzzle book, Crystal was there with me. And the oncology nurses and workers are really sweet people. My numbers were well enough today that I didn't need a blood transfusion or platelets.

Side effects are most of my problems these days... I have a nice, itchy pimply looking rash on my face. The bottoms of my feet go numb. I have calf and foot spasms, mostly at night when I am trying to sleep. My side and back are still uncomfortable and painful and I pay for it when I try to do much of anything. I get tired and worn out pretty easily. I often get lightheaded when I stand up. I am usually freezing and then all the sudden will start sweating with a hot flash. And I have a headache or two or three like everyday. Of course the bloody noses, which fortunately I have not had any in like a week or so! The low platelets, low blood counts, those all come from chemo. But I have not lost any hair yet. The doctor told me I would. The first time I started losing my hair was after day 11 of my first treatment. Today was my sixth treatment this round and so far, so good

I did get into Cancer Care in Tulsa on Yale by St. Francis. I will have a consultation with Dr Kevin Weibel (she is a female oncologist) on February 8. Then February 11 I will have my last chemo in OKC and my last follow up with Dr Kliewer. I will definitely miss him! That will be a sad day when I say good-bye. But I have heard wonderful things about my new doctor and have been told I will be in good hands. I have no idea what she has planned for me—if we will stick to the same chemo regimen, if she will just have my ovaries taken out or request a full hysterectomy.

Like always I will just take it a step at a time. I feel so much better already and that makes me feel so hopeful about my future. I haven't been moping around making funeral plans and picking out songs for my service like I was at first. Or crying every time I would look at Jerry or McKenzie or someone in my family or a close friend. I am in a much better place right now and am thinking positively.

Love to all,

Diana  
 

January 19, 2010 - I went to the ER in Fort Smith last Friday because I had another bloody nose that would not quit. My platelet numbers were low (25,000 and normal is 120,000). But they went ahead and sent me home without doing anything after Jerry and I spent about four or more hours there. They said they don't worry about it until it gets below 10,000. I should have gotten platelets, but what did I expect from the only place in Fort Smith that will take my insurance and has a bad reputation?  

I had chemo yesterday and saw my doctor. He said the bloody noses are because of my liver and it may just be something I have to deal with. The bad news is we had to stay an extra night in OKC because I had to get two units of platelets and two units of blood. The good news is the cancer is no longer in my lymph nodes and has decreased significantly in my bones and liver. At first I thought the doctor said the cancer was not in my bones anymore, but after I got home today I looked over the Pet scan report and it is in my pelvic bone and vertebrae. But the report said it is not nearly as bad as it was before. And the cancer in my liver has decreased from covering 80% to 35-40%. So that is VERY good news! I go back to OKC next week for chemo but I don't have to follow up with the oncologist for another three weeks. So he is happy with the progress.

All of my lab work came back really low, so I had to get a Procrit shot yesterday to boost my red blood cells and had to get a Neupogen shot today and will have to have them for the next five days to boost my white blood cell count. Hopefully by the time I go back for chemo next week my numbers will be up.

The cancer center in Arkansas didn't come through. They absolutely will not take my insurance, so now we are trying to get in to see a doctor at Cancer Care in Tulsa. The doctor my oncologist recommended is not taking new patients, so I am waiting to see if I can get in to see one of his co-workers. It will still be a two hour drive for us, but having parents in Glenpool means we won't have to keep staying in a hotel and it will be easier for my parents to help me and help with McKenzie. Of course my wonderful sister Crystal is here to help now. But being in Tulsa instead of OKC will still make things a lot easier. And McKenzie won't have to keep sleeping in strange hotel rooms.

Thank you for all the prayers. Don't give up on me now. Please keep praying!

Love to all,
 
Diana

January 13, 2010 - We (McKenzie, my sister & I) got back home to Poteau today. I had my Pet scan this morning but I won't know the results until Monday. Today has not been a good day. I was at the ER last night from about 9 pm till 3 am getting platelets. My nose has been bleeding a lot the last few days. It started bleeding again about 9 am yesterday morning & was still bleeding this morning. They cauterized both sides of my nose but my right side was still bleeding. My nose would get really stuffy. If I didn’t blow my nose, which was just blood clots, it would go down the back of my throat and I would cough it up. I have a headache now and had an even worse migraine earlier. I actually threw up on the way home and my sister had to pull over on the side of the highway. My friend Sheila is here visiting from WI, so I visited with her for a short time and then went to lay down about 3:00 this afternoon. It was almost 8:00 when I woke up! I only got about an hour or so of sleep last night, so I guess I am trying to play catch up now. Fortunately my head doesn't hurt as bad as it did earlier. But I just wish this headache would go away!

I am STILL waiting to get into the Arkansas cancer center. I received a call today that they still aren't wanting to accept my doctor referral because they don't take my insurance. I need to make some phone calls tomorrow to see if we can get something done. What a mess!

Well, I have things to do since I have been gone for a week. More updates soon.

Love to all,

Diana

January 9, 2010 - I have been feeling pretty good lately. Tuesday and Wednesday morning I woke up with migraines and was really nauseous, but I felt pretty good by evening. Thursday I woke up with a really bad bloody nose that bled for about two hours. I lost so much blood I kept getting light headed. I called my doctor and he told me go to the ER. My dad was so nice to take me and so patient to sit there with me for four hours while they didn't really even do anything... My nose eventually quit bleeding on its own and my red blood cell count was high enough I didn't have to get a blood transfusion. But my white blood cell count is still really low so I have to be really careful and stay away from sick people and crowds until I can build my immune system back up. And I have to watch myself for fever and infection.

My sister that lives in Germany arrived last night and she will be staying with me to help with McKenzie until March 4. So that will be a huge help. I won't have to keep coming to my parents' house when Jerry goes to work during the week. Although I am sure we will still be coming to spend a lot of time here.

I'd lost about 15 lbs, but now I seem to be maintaining my weight. I have been able to eat more & haven't been throwing up, so that is a nice change. I am back on a steroid pack after the Emend Tri-pak, so that really seems to help with the nausea. I go to OKC this Wednesday for my Pet scan and will get the results next Monday when I have chemo again and see my doctor.   

Thank you SO MUCH for all your good thoughts and prayers for me and my family.

Love to all,

Diana

Happy New Year! I hope and pray this will be a better year for me, health wise. My Pet scan is scheduled for January 13 and I will see Dr. Kliewer on January 18 for the results. I did go see my new primary care doctor last Wednesday to get a referral for Cooper Clinic in Fort Smith, but I have no idea how long that will take to go through. So for now I am still going back to OKC for treatments.

My friend Denise picked me up from the hotel this morning and took me to chemo so Jerry wouldn't have to drag McKenzie out of bed to go drop me off. Brrrr! It was COLD outside!

My white blood cell count was really low today, so they told me to stay away from crowds and sick people. I have a horrible headache right now and am really tired. I will probably go to bed early tonight. The doctor said I looked pale today but looked good other than that. He thinks my liver has shrunk more.

I only threw up one day last week, so that was good. I finally remembered today to ask for a prescription for a steroid pack to take after the Emend tri-pak for the delayed nausea. It helped last time I did chemo, so I hope it will help this time too! I can't afford to feel bad this week. Jerry goes back to work tomorrow, so it will just be McKenzie and I. She is at the age now where she thinks even changing her diaper is supposed to be a 'catch-me-if-you-can' game. She just really wears me out and these days it just doesn't take much to zap all the energy I have.

Friday I hope I feel good so I can drive to my parents' house. My plan is to go to Glenpool when McKenzie and I get up and ready. My sister Crystal flies into Tulsa from Germany at 5:20 p.m. and I want to be there to pick her up!  

Love to all,

Diana

December 28, 2009 - Today was my third chemo treatment. I also saw the doctor and said he thinks my liver feels like it has shrunk. He said he was very encouraged. So I feel so much more positive now! I have been an emotional wreck crying like ten times a day about every little thing lately. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. Jerry swears it is the flax seed oil and cottage cheese/yogurt shakes he has been making me drink twice a day. But I believe it is the prayer I have been getting from so many of my family and friends and their family and friends. So thank you everyone and please keep it up!

I am allergic to something. The doc today said he didn't think it was the chemo since my rash showed up so long after my chemo treatment... It started a couple days before Christmas and is now all over my back, sides, stomach, and the back of my legs and on my arms and itches like crazy! I have been taking Benadryl and am on day three of a steroid pack, but it just seems to be getting worse, I think. So hopefully we can figure this out! I bought some Aveeno bath stuff today, so I am going to go take a bath soon and then lather on the ointment the doc gave me a prescription for today.

More wonderful news... I have not been in severe pain. My back hurts occasionally and I feel a little uncomfortable (especially in the car or after sitting for a long time), but I told the doctor today I didn't think I needed such strong pain medication. So he was happy to hear that. I have the pain meds I can take if I need them, but I am not taking them on a regular basis like I was having to before.

I go back to OKC next Monday for chemo and will have another Pet scan the following week. I have an appointment this Wednesday with my new PCM in Sallisaw to get a referral to go to Fort Smith, so hopefully all will go quickly and smoothly and I will be able to get into St Edwards Mercy Cooper Clinic.

I have been so used to going to chemo alone I was a little overwhelmed today when I had visitors with me. But it was so nice to have the company and conversation to make the time go by quickly. Jerry and I got there about 8:15 this morning (we stayed in a hotel in OKC last night - thanks, Dad for the free rewards night!), and when I walked in here comes Christa walking out of the bathroom. I thought I was going to cry! I feel so special that she drove all the way from Fort Worth just to be there with me! And my mom kept McKenzie last night (thanks, Mom!), so Jerry was there, and my friend Denise came too! It started getting crowded so they were pretty much all asked to give up their seats, but no one complained. And I received a call from Kathy with MFM just calling to check in on me and offer some help. I just really felt loved today!    

Love to all,

Diana

December 18, 2009 - It's been a crazy last few days, so I will try to remember to include everything on here...

I went to OKC Monday for chemo. Jerry, McKenzie and I left about 8:00 am, went & picked up some anti-nausea meds at Walgreens, took them and Jerry dropped me off at the chemo place about 11:15 am. They said it would just be about an hour and a half. I knew it would take forever... I was there until about 3:30 pm.

I stopped by the lab to get a vial so they could take blood from my port since I was being poked for chemo there anyway. I probably sat there an hour before they even came to draw my blood. Then the lab had to process it. My red blood cells were low, but they went ahead and did the chemo, I think just because I had driven so far. I was so emotional that day. Every time someone would look at me I would just start crying. I wasn't feeling great either. My throat, ears and head were hurting. I think I may have gotten Kenzie's strep. They didn't do a strep test, but they went ahead and called me in a prescription for an antibiotic.

My friend Sherry came up there for a little while and sat with me, which helped a lot. Just having someone to talk to would take my mind off of those little thoughts, like whether or not I'll be around for McKenzie, which I just could not stop thinking about... I saw the doctor for a minute and he said I looked too skinny, I need to start eating really fattening food. And he asked about my pain meds and gave me a little talk about needing to take them more often so they'll stay in my system instead of waiting until I can't stand the pain and then being miserable waiting for it to kick in. Subway kind of sounded good, so Sherry went and picked me up a turkey sandwich with lettuce, black olives and ranch dressing and a bag of Doritos. I ate half of the sandwich and chips and just couldn't eat anymore... There just isn't much room left in my tummy for my stomach to expand, so it makes me feel full pretty quickly and then it's uncomfortable. I was drinking two Ensures a day, now I am trying to do four a day. Sometimes I feel nauseous, but I haven't thrown up from this chemo so far.  

The deal with Arkansas... There are three cancer centers in Fort Smith. Two at Mercy Hospital (Hembree does radiation, Cooper Clinic does chemo), and one at Sparks. I have heard bad things about Sparks, which is the only one that takes my insurance. So to go to Cooper Clinic I would be considered self pay. Since I was so royally blown off by my new PCM in Poteau and the ER in Poteau, I have to find a new PCM somewhere else and see if she can refer me to the Cooper Clinic and see if they will accept my insurance that way. I have chosen a new one now, but I will have to try to hurry and get in to see her next week before they close for Christmas and see if we can get the paperwork started. So my next round of chemo will probably be in OKC again. I really need to be somewhere local though, for emergency situations. So I am hoping and praying Cooper Clinic will accept a referral.

Monday after chemo, McKenzie, Jerry and I met my mom off Hwy 75 in Henryetta because Jerry needed to go into work this week and I cannot really take care of McKenzie right now. She weighs like 31 pounds and tries to crawl all over my belly and she ends up hurting me. So we went home with my mom and Jerry went back to Poteau. I slept a lot at my parents' house. My dad was out of town for his job. I got to spend a little time with Andrew who just got back from his assignment in Germany last weekend. We met aunts, uncles and friends at Mazzio's for dinner Tuesday night. I didn't eat much; I just wanted to get out of the house. Then Wednesday we went to Ron's for dinner and I managed to eat half of a little bacon cheeseburger. But my nose kept running all week and was sore from blowing it so much and was kind of blood clotty when I would blow my nose. I thought it was sinuses or part of being sick. Then at night I would wake up and my nose would just be dripping blood. So once my mom convinced me that wasn't normal I called the doctor and he said he was a little concerned that my blood was thin from my liver and not clotting, so he said if it didn't stop bleeding come and see him the next day, he wanted labs done (this was like 9:30 in the evening). I told him I was in Glenpool at my parents, so he said go to St Francis if it doesn't stop. So about 10:30 pm my mom went ahead and took me and a longtime childhood best friend Vanessa met us up there. I was in the holding room where you can only have one visitor for a long time, so my mom was with me for a long time, then I told her to have Vanessa come back. My mom ended up going home about 3:00 am. Vanessa stayed with me till about 6:00 am, then she went home to get ready for work and all that fun stuff (And she did a great job staying on top of the hospital staff making sure I had snacks, and drinks and pain meds). I called my mom and had her come back up to the hospital.

When I went in Wednesday night my RBC and platelets were low. They started giving me a blood transfusion, but I started running a fever so they stopped until the fever broke. Finally Thursday morning they had me in my own room. They gave me two bags of blood and a bag of platelets, which took ALL DAY. I had a few visitors, so that was nice to see familiar faces.

This morning I woke up about 5:30 am or so and watched TV and ate some fortune cookies and Starburst. I was so hungry but they didn't start doing breakfast orders until 7:00 am, then it took over an hour to get it! I had pain meds too and was SOOO tired by then. After I ate breakfast I laid back down and slept until they came and woke me up to be released.  

They released me today about noon. Jerry drove down last night and stayed with me at the hospital, so we went and picked up McKenzie from my parents and we are back home in Poteau now. I slept just about the whole way home. I am tired now and have probably waited a little longer than I should have to take my pain meds, but I am hoping I will sleep well tonight and feel rested in the morning.

My next chemo "should" be December 28.

Love to all,

Diana 

December 13, 2009 - I was released from the hospital Wednesday and made it home about 4 pm. It was a little rough at first, I kept making Jerry pull over because I thought I was going to throw up. But then I took some meds and slept the rest if the way home. My wonderful friend Ashley went by my parents' and got McKenzie and brought her home to us yesterday. (Thanks, Ashy!!!) We had a few days to get our stuff unpacked & cleaned & figure out some sleeping habits. I have been sleeping on the couch. My back and side hurt and it's just too hard trying to get in and out of that bed. I hope it's only temporary, but it's what works at the moment.

Chemo tomorrow is at 11:30 in OKC. We plan to leave by 8:00 am so we'll have time to go by Walgreens and get my other anti-nausea meds & have time to take them before chemo starts. Hopefully all will be good to go as far as numbers and cell counts. I am not sure what our targets are this time. I am also hoping to hear something about the liver biopsy and the cancer center in Fort Smith. I just know that I feel good sometimes, let myself overdo it & then feel the misery later. Driving far though is really rough on me. Kenzie & I will spend the week in Glenpool with my momma so Jerry can go to work.

McKenzie is a mess. She talks like a little chatterbox, sings, is into everything. She and Daddy aren't allowed in the chemo room, so they're going to be running a few errands and hopefully getting some of my mailing done for me... I won't get my hopes up, though.  I am hoping Daddy will take Kenzie over to play with her little buddy Ayden. Thank you Tina for being sooo helpful and flexible with watching Kenzie last week. You were such a HUGE blessing to us!

I hope tomorrow's visit will leave us with more answers rather than confusion. I'd like to at least feel like I am headed in the right direction.  Pain meds are kicking in... YAWN! I hope all this makes sense.

Love to all,

Diana

December 8, 2009 - Just a quick update before I try to get some sleep.  My breast cancer has metastasized. I have cancerous tumors covering about 80% of my liver and cancer in my right hip bone.

I had a blood transfusion yesterday because my red blood cell count was low. I had a new port put in and a liver biopsy. It will probably be a few days before we have those results. I started chemo last night about 10:00 or so.  If the chemo works, my liver size should go down so I don't look pregnant anymore. If it gets larger I will have to have it drained.

I should be released to go home tomorrow, but will have to come back to OKC next Monday for chemo again. My oncologist is still working on getting me into a cancer treatment center in Ft Smith.  Jerry has been doing research and making phone calls to get me into MD Anderson for a second opinion. He has really been amazing!  

Once I get into a cancer treatment center I will probably have to have my ovaries removed so I can keep taking this new medicine, I think it's called Aricept..? But you have to be post-menopausal to take it. But it's better than Tamoxifen that I was on before.  So for now I am getting Lupron injections again until my ovaries can be removed.

McKenzie has contagious strep, so she is in Glenpool for now with my amazing parents.

I am sure I am forgetting to mention something, but I am going cross eyed now because I am tired.... So more later. If you have any questions, just ask.

Love to all,

Diana

December 4, 2009 - Well, here we go again... I have been having side and back and stomach pain, so bad lately it seems unbearable. My new PCM in Poteau said it was probably a pulled muscle. But I have developed a large knot in my stomach. Yesterday I went to my follow up visit with Dr Bozarth, my radiation oncologist. He did a CT scan and said I have several spots of cancer in my liver. I have a PET scan scheduled for 8 this morning and an appointment with my oncologist at noon. So I should know more soon. ALl I know is they say it doesn't look good since it's there so soon after I finished chemo. So please PRAY, PRAY, PRAY with all your might!

Love to all,

Diana

November 27, 2009 - Sorry it has been so long... We are all moved to Poteau and have settled in. We even hosted Thanksgiving at our new house. There were 10 of us - my parents, aunt, uncle, sister, her boyfriend, my nephew, Me, Jer, and Kenzie. I even cooked a few things. But my back & leg & shoulder hurt so bad I started crying in front of everyone.

My side has been bothering me for about a month and a half or so. Every time I would bring it up to a doctor they would say it's probably just a pulled muscle. Well, now my stomach is all puffy and swollen. I can feel this big huge hard lump & a smaller lump and you can see that it’s swollen on that side. They did some blood test & said the cancer screen came back negative. So that's a relief. I get an ultrasound on my tummy Wed, but I don’t know if I can wait that long. I can hardly eat anything. It makes me feel really full & sometimes I even throw up a little. Ashton said my tummy looks like I am pregnant again. I am getting a CT scan on my back as well Wed. I am going to see if they can add my shoulder. None of the pain meds or muscle relaxers do anything, they don’t want me taking Ibuprofen. I am up tossing & turning all night & usually end up on the couch with an ice pack or heating pad around 3. I am frustrated & exhausted. I can’t even pick up McKenzie because of my back & shoulder. Jerry will be out of town all next week, my parents will be gone on their cruise. Fortunately, my sister is planning on coming & staying with me next week to help with Kenzie.

I just can’t handle feeling so helpless and not being able to make the pain go away. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I want someone to figure out what is wrong with me & fix it. It's not normal for someone to have to be in so much pain all the time.

Love to all,

Diana

October 22, 2009 - Treatment is officially over! I had my last cycle of radiation about an hour ago. They gave me a diploma and a little champagne glass with confetti and candy. Lori (one of the techs) gave me a winter hat & lip gloss and a sweet little note. I cried. It's really over! Jerry is going to pick up Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner tonight to celebrate. What am I going to do with myself now? Well, not now... I'll be busy with moving stuff. But after we're moved and settled in. It seems like it was just last week that I found out I had cancer, but it has already been seven months! I met some wonderful people on this journey, and I was so fortunate to have wonderful doctors that I really like. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers that have helped carry me through.

I had surgery yesterday to remove my port. They didn't knock me out, so I didn't get that good nap I was looking forward to. They just gave me a local and some I-don't-care-what-you-do-to-me medicine. The surgery itself took less than five minutes. After the numbness wore off I was pretty sore and still am a little today. I get to take the bandage off tomorrow morning and go in next week to have the stitches removed.

I follow up with Dr. Bozarth Dec 2 and Dr. Kliewer Dec 28. Till then...

Love to all,

Diana

October 19, 2009 - I only have three more cycles of radiation! Can you believe it? And the best news is I get my port out Wednesday morning! I have pre-op tomorrow afternoon, then I check in at 7:15 am Wednesday... It's an outpatient procedure, so I should only be there a few hours. Poor Jerry is going to be out in the waiting room with McKenzie all that time. Man, she is a mess these days! I hope she does well waiting this one out. I feel like I have to put her in time out for hitting or biting me about 10 times a day. Her favorite word these days seems to be no. She seems to cry a lot too. You know that frustrated toddler I-don't-know-how-to-tell-you-what-I-want cry. If I had hair I'd probably be pulling it out.   

I am still doing well. I have been pretty tired. And there is a really rough burnt spot on the side of my boob where they removed the tumor. That's where they are targeting the last few cycles of radiation, so it is pretty sore and very uncomfortable. And my shoulder is really itchy and peeling where the previous cycles of radiation went through my shoulder. But I am almost at the end of treatment. I will follow up with Dr. Bozarth in a month and then have my three-month follow up with Dr. Kliewer in December.

My side and ribs have been hurting all weekend. I must have pulled a muscle or something. It hurts when I breathe, cough, laugh... But it isn't a 24/7 pain. Sometimes it doesn't hurt at all. But of course I haven't been sleeping well, so I am sure that adds to my exhaustion.

I have a busy week or so ahead of me. We move to Poteau next week, so we've been trying to get everything lined up for the sale of this house & purchase of the new one. Inspections, repairs, paperwork, packing, cleaning... my phone has been ringing all day today getting all the last minute stuff scheduled! I will be relieved (and probably bored) when we get all moved and settled in and I don't have doctor appointments every day or two. I am trying not to think about actually having to leave and say good-bye. I get really sad and emotional when I think about it.

My head is all fuzzy... It's soft like duck feathers and seemed to just sprout up overnight. It still isn't long enough to know what color it will be or if it is going to be curly or straight. But we're getting there...

Love to all,

Diana

October 14, 2009 - I only have 6 cycles of radiation left! I have been so tired. I have been taking naps every day and even took two naps the other day. My burns are getting worse. I am still really itchy. The skin on the bottom of my boob is turning black and peeling off. And my collarbone burn looks like someone laid a hot curling iron on it for a few seconds. It's really uncomfortable to wear clothes because they rub the irritated areas. My boob is swollen and my skin feels like it is pulling tight when I try to move around. But I am almost finished... I should be getting in to see the surgeon pretty soon about getting my port taken out. Hopefully I will know more about that tomorrow.

Love to all,

Diana

October 5, 2009 - I have had 22 cycles of radiation now. My collarbone and boob are really red. I am really itchy and have a slight rash. It's not really painful, just more annoying than anything else. My last radiation treatment is October 22nd, and I am counting down the days!   

I did decide to go ahead and keep my oncologist here. I will come back every three months for follow up visits and it will give me a chance to visit friends, too. My next Pet scan won't be until December, so I won't know much until then. But I already consider myself to be a breast cancer survivor.

Dr. Kliewer mentioned getting me in to see the surgeon after I finish radiation so I can get my port out. That would be wonderful! I had the port flushed when I saw him last week and all I have to say about that is... Ouch! They usually make you keep it in a year or two in case you have to get more chemo. But I hope I can get it removed before we move.  

We sold our house! And we found one in Poteau. So now we're just waiting on inspections and closing. We close on the house in Midwest City Oct 29 and the one in Poteau Oct 30. Hopefully it will all go smoothly.

I am participating in the Race for the Cure next weekend. I am excited about that. I am doing the 1 mile walk. I would love to run, but I have never been a long distance runner, so I don't think I would make it further than a block. I am planning on meeting up with the MetroFamily Magazine ladies. They have been wonderful. I can't wait to see the article Mari wrote about me in the October issue. And they are racing in my honor, so I feel really special about that. I can't wait to give them all big hugs!   

Love to all,

Diana

September 19, 2009 - I shaved my legs today! I know, I know... you all are so excited about that you can hardly contain yourselves... But for me it is a sign of healing. It means my hair is growing back and I am on my way to being normal again. That was an advantage of having chemo... no shaving. But the hair on my head seems to be taking forever to grow back. I can't wait to have a full head of hair again! I look at my head closely in the mirror to see what is sprouting up. It looks light on the top and dark on the back of my head. So I can't really say what color it is going to be. And it's not quite long enough to tell if it's going to be straight or curly. I am still crossing my fingers for curly hair though.

I have now had 12 cycles of radiation. I have noticed a little redness, itchiness, and some occasional pain in my shoulder and breast, but it all seems to be going very well so far. The only thing I would complain about would be the hot flashes. They seem to be even worse now. I am not sure if that's from the Lupron + Tamoxifen in my system or if it is really going to be like this from now on. The Lupron should be out of my system by mid-November. So we'll see...

We plan to be moved to Poteau by Nov. 1. I am pretty sure I will be finished with radiation by then. So it should all work out pretty well. I will talk to Dr. Bozarth about that next week and see Dr. Kliewer the week after. I will still have to either come back here for Heparin flushes and follow-up visits or find a doctor in Fort Smith. A three hour drive (one-way) for all that doesn't appeal to me, so I am sure it will be the latter. I really like my doctors here, so I am not looking forward to finding new ones.  

My biggest stress right now is selling our house in MWC... It has been listed for barely over two weeks. We have had three showings, no offers... I will just be so relieved once we have it sold! I have been trying to keep the house spotless in case we have a short-notice showing. Just say a little prayer for us that it sells quickly!

Love to all,

Diana   
 

August 2, 2009 - Well, radiation has begun... one down, 34 to go!

I went back in Monday for what they call a block check. They made me lay on the radiation machine and took some x-rays to make sure everything lined up correctly and they gave me three more tattoo dots.

Radiation itself is really easy. I just lay there... They do three different positions, each one gets about 30 seconds of radiation. The longest part is just getting everything lined up before they zap me. You can't feel anything though. They told me I probably won't even notice any side effects for a few weeks. I will get x-rays once a week to make sure everything is still lining up and will have follow up visits with Dr. Bozarth once a week. I do have to put some special radiation lotion on about three times a day, but that's no big deal. My "cycles" will be every day, Monday - Friday. At least we'll get it over quicker that way!

Love to all,

Diana
 

August 26, 2009 - I got tattoos today... 2 tiny little dots on my boob so they know where to do the radiation. (I am just glad I still have my own boobs!) They just put ink on me & poked the spots with a needle. Ok, I admit, it did hurt a little bit... I may be used to being poked and prodded, but it still hurts... They did a CT scan too. But that was pretty painless except for the part where I had to turn my head to the left and hold it there for like 15 minutes. That was pretty uncomfortable.

I have to go Monday to get another mammogram (since it has been six months since my last one), and then go back to the radiation place to get some more prep stuff done. I start radiation next Tuesday and Dr. Bozarth said I will probably have a total of 35 sessions. He said I shouldn't be much more tired than I was with chemo and I will probably look like I have a sunburn where the radiation is targeted, but that's about it... Sounds easy enough, huh? I will have follow-up appointments with him once a week through radiation.

More updates as I learn more...

Love to all,

Diana 

August 24, 2009 - Hello everyone! It's time again for an update...

I just got back from my oncologist appointment. I start taking Tamoxifen for hormone therapy (anti-hormone therapy is really what they should call it) for five years. The good news is I don't have to get any more Lupron shots (that's the one I was getting every three months). Too bad I didn't know that before, because I just got one last Friday. So double hot flashes. Yay for me! LOL! I go back for a follow up visit in one month so he can see how I am doing on this new medication.

I also found out today that I won't have a PET scan until after radiation. So I won't know if any of this has been working for another couple of months... But thinking positive thoughts, we will just believe that there is no more cancer in my body.

Just two more days until my consultation with the radiation oncologist, Dr. Bozarth. More updates then...

Love to all,

Diana 

August 10, 2009 - Today is the day! My LAST round of chemo! I am glad that I can look back now and be proud of myself for conquering this phase of my treatment plan. I am anxious to get the PET scan so I will know if it worked and know that the cancer is gone. I am also scared that I will get bad news, but I am trying to think positively and hope that it is gone. I hope today when I see the oncologist that he will tell me when my PET scan will be and when I'll get to meet the radiation doctor that will be in charge of the 6 weeks of radiation I'll be doing next. It has gone by quickly. It's hard to believe 5 months ago I found out I had cancer. My hair is starting to grow back in. I have little sprouts like a chia pet. I am ready for the end of all this and a new beginning... We'll be putting our house up for sell in a few weeks & moving to Poteau in a couple of months.

Thank you to the wonderful oncology nurses and the incredible staff at Optim Oncology.  

Love to all,

Diana

August 10, 2009 - WOW! Two entries in one day. Life is definitely beginning to settle down a bit.

I have been feeling really good most of the time. I even mowed the front yard last night (but I felt like I was about to have a heart attack the whole time). Our front yard is pretty small. I left the giant back yard for Jerry to mow.

I am officially done with chemo. YAY!!!! I have to go in Tues - Fri to get Neupogen shots to boost my immune system, then lab work Monday & my last Neupogen shot.

When I saw the oncologist today he said all my labs look good except I am a little anemic. I see him again August 24. He will tell me then when I do my follow up visit and all that (probably 3 or 6 months). I am not sure when I'll have a PET scan again; still hoping it will be before radiation.   

My radiation consultation is August 26, so I will know more about this phase when I meet Dr. Bozarth.

Love to all and MANY thanks for all the prayers and positive feedback.

Diana
 

July 28, 2009 - I have 1 more chemo treatment on August 10th. Then that part will be over! The doctor said I will have to take a pill for the next 5 years... that's the hormone therapy I'll be on to stop estrogen production. I will see another doctor for radiation, but I was told I will do 30 sessions... five per week for six weeks. My oncologist has to talk to the radiation doctor, but hopefully after my last chemo treatment I'll get another pet scan to see if all the cancer is gone. I am anxious to know if it worked!

Thank you, Sherry, for going to chemo with me yesterday! You really helped the time fly by and made it not so lonely!

Love to all,

Diana 

July 24, 2009 - Sorry my blog has been neglected lately. McKenzie and I got home yesterday from our trip to Germany. I had chemo on July 10 and was there for a LONG time! My appointment was at 8:30 and I didn't get home till about 1:30. Then I left for Tulsa shortly after I got home.

Germany was great! I felt good the whole time (other than hot flashes, feeling tired, back and leg aches, and swollen and achy feet). I ate really well there. My brother & his friend even came & visited for the weekend. We visited some of the places close by most of the time. But we also spent two days going to France, Luxembourg, Belgium, and the Netherlands (Holland). I took over 1,300 pictures! My nephew Kaleb did a great job of researching and planning trips. But it was hard to get everyone on the same page when there were so many of us. I got to spend time with my sister and her family though. That's what really mattered.

I went today to get my lab work done. Jerry has been in Arkansas the last two weeks for annual training. He didn't get home until about 3:00 today, so we had to schedule my next doctor's appointment and chemo for Monday. Only two rounds left! I'm going to try to remember to ask the doctor about hormone therapy and radiation this time. Chemo has made me dumb or something. I am so forgetful! And I know what I want to say to people a lot of the time, but it's hard to find the words. I hope that's only temporary!   

Love to all,

Diana

July 6, 2009 - Good news! I don't have to have any more shots until after chemo! The doctor said my WBC count today was 65,000! That's WAY high. I have gotten shots the last 10 days in a row! I have chemo this Friday. Then McKenzie & I will go stay the night at my parents' house in Glenpool. We leave from Tulsa on Saturday morning to fly to Germany (YAY!!!). The doctor is only giving me 5 shots to take with me, so hopefully that will be enough to boost my immune system and keep it up until my next round. I am just so excited to see my sister & my niece & nephews & brother-in-law!

Love to all,

Diana
 

July 2, 2009 - Man, it is HOT! Not only outside... I have been having ridiculous amounts of hot flashes lately! I am sure it's from the Lupron injections. The monthly shots didn't affect me so much, but this once-every-three-month shot seems to really sock it to me! At least that's really the only side effect I've had from that. It makes me tingly all over though and then my head just starts sweating.

So far so good having no nausea with this new chemo... But my cheeks and eyes are so itchy and kind of sunburn-feeling. My back and legs have been hurting SO BAD since yesterday (from the Neupogen shots probably). I can't take Ibuprofen and don't like to take pain pills with McKenzie. So it has just been hurting constantly since yesterday evening. I took an Ambien to sleep, but I still kept waking up all night and all morning in pain. I think I am just going to have to give in and take a Lortab or something. I cleaned the living room and bathroom today, so I am sure that didn't help.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you a quick update. My next doctor appointment is Monday, July 6.

Love to all,

Diana

June 29, 2009 - I decided to go in about 11:15 this morning to have my lab work done so I would know if I should take the Emend this time. I called about noon (because you have to take the first pill an hour before chemo starts), but I was sent to voicemail and they only check messages twice a day. So I went ahead and took the first pill and went back for chemo a little before 1:00. They said my WBC count shot up to about 4,600. So they were amazed! They started my chemo about 1:15 (4 pre-meds and then the Taxol) and I was finished about 4:30. I went by myself today. I read a little bit of my book (The Middle Place), tried to take a little nap, and visited quite a bit with some of the other patients that were sitting close to me. So far I have been the youngest patient that I have seen in there.
 
I feel pretty lonely sometimes…

I am supposed to be getting Neupogen shots every day between now and July 10, but since my WBC count was so high today they're supposed to call and let me know if I have to come in tomorrow. I still have a bruise on my arm from last Friday's shot, so it would be nice to have an extra day of no shots in the arm! And my back has still been really achy, so I am sure it would enjoy a break too.  

I took an Ambien, but they gave me steroids in my IV and that keeps me awake. It's almost 12:30 a.m. now and I feel like I would just toss and turn if I went and laid down now. I hope McKenzie sleeps in tomorrow morning! She should since she finally just fell asleep about 30 minutes ago. Oh - I spoke too soon... I can hear her fussing in the bed. She must have lost her binky!

Love to all,

Diana
 

June 28, 2009 - I was supposed to have chemo Friday, but when I got there they said my WBC count was too low... which pretty much frustrated me to say the least. I have been going in the day before chemo to have my labs done so they can tell me ahead of time if I will have chemo the next day. That way if my WBC count is too low I can tell my husband not to take off work early. My chemo was scheduled for 12:30, so he had to leave work about 11:30 since he works in Shawnee. They gave me a Neupogen shot that day and, since we were going to Spavinaw Creek for the weekend, I had to get a prescription for two shots to take with me (my husband gave them to me in my stomach). That was a task! The public use shots are about $1,000 each, so insurance companies don't want to pay for them. So after insurance denied the payment, I had to ask the pharmacy to call and ask for approval. I ended up just having to park my car and go inside because it was taking so long. Then after they got approval the pharmacy realized they didn't have any in stock. So I had to ask them to find a place that had some in stock. Then I went to that pharmacy to pick up the shots and didn't realize until I got home that they had given me 10 shots instead of two. So I called them and they asked me to bring them back. So I drove back over there. They did thank me very much since I returned $8,000 worth of medicine. But it was out of my way and took up an extra 30 minutes probably to drive back out there and back home. So it was about 2:30 by the time I got home...

On top of all that, I had taken my pre-chemo Emend pill. So I had to have that refilled and find yet another pharmacy that had it in stock since I need it for chemo tomorrow. Well, insurance will only approve two per month. So I had to call my doctor's office and leave a message and wait for them to call me back. Then they had to call my insurance company and ask for an override on the approval and call me back. Then I had to call the pharmacy back and let them know to run it again. So, anyway... that was finally all done by about 4:50 Friday afternoon. I go back tomorrow for lab work again and if my WBC count is high enough, I will start my new chemo medicine tomorrow at 1:00. I will be getting Taxol for the next four rounds of chemo.

This time I will go every day for Neupogen shots until my next round of chemo, which will be July 10. I will be going to Germany July 11 - July 22 to visit my sister and her family, so my doctor is going to call and BEG my insurance company to let me use Neulasta next time after chemo instead of Neupogen (one time shot vs. every day shots). The Neulasta is supposed to cause more bone pain, but I think it'll be worth it not to have to get a shot every day. Plus I won’t have to worry about getting the needles through customs or keeping them refrigerated the whole time. The Neupogen shots hurt. It burns when they inject the medicine (sometimes for an hour or so after it's injected) and usually my hips ache for a few days after and if I move a certain way I can feel spasms up my back. But... it's only temporary!

This weekend at Spavinaw Creek was HOT! We spent a lot of time inside either my parents' camper or Uncle Bo & Aunt Jeanneane's camper. We took McKenzie swimming twice, but I couldn't get in the water. So I sat on the rocks and took pictures while sweat was dripping off my bald head into my eyes.

It was good to spend some time with my little brother! Since he's been in Iraq the last 15 months, he had only met McKenzie once (when he was home in October for his mid-tour leave). He's not here for long... just about 10 days. But hopefully we'll see him again this next weekend before he leaves and probably even one weekend when we go to Germany. He's stationed in Bamberg which is a few hours away from my sister. Then, as far as I know, he's supposed to come back to the states in December. He got married while he was home in October, so it will be good when he and his wife can be together!    
 
Love to all,
 
Diana

June 19, 2009 - My doctor appointment went well today. My WBC was nearly double what it was last time, so I won't have to come back every day next week for more Neupogen injections. I should be good to go for chemo by next Friday. My first dose of Taxol is coming soon, so I am a little nervous about changing over to a new drug. I am trying to stay calm and just see what happens. I am officially half way through chemo. So, I am surviving through this part of my life just fine...I feel like I am lacking some important support systems, but I suppose it is what it is... Anyway, I just want you all to know I am still taking it a step at a time. I will reach the end of this journey with one foot in front of the other. Then I'll turn around & look back & see how far I have come and say I MADE IT! It's a process getting there, but nothing worth it comes easily.  

Love to all,

Diana
 

June 14, 2009 - I finished round four of chemo on Friday. Thank you SO MUCH, Emilee for going with me & keeping me entertained. You're such a sweetheart & so generous for giving up your time to go with me. You had a great idea bringing the coloring books and Mad Lib. (She had me laughing so hard my cheeks were hurting)!

Every Friday they have a "theme" in the chemo room and last Friday was hippie day. This old lady came in with the cutest shirt & jeans outfit that her daughter had put together for her. The bell bottoms had a flare sewn into the side of each leg bottom and her shirt had a matching peace sign sewn onto the back. I wish I had my camera so I could've taken a picture of her! She even had a ponytail holder around her forehead. She was adorable! We also played a game of bingo and everyone went home with a prize. They just started doing the themes about two weeks ago. It's a great idea & really helps the time go by.

Let me just say that I am very sick of getting shots every day, lab work every week, and chemo every other week. I feel like that is my full time job. It is exhausting. But Friday when I went in they did say I could bring McKenzie and just call and let them know I am there and they will meet me up front to give me my Neupogen injections. So that is a relief! And I am so thankful that I am fighting the fight and LIVING with breast cancer. I try to remind myself on those days that I don't feel so well that I am alive, and that is a blessing.  

And, by the way, SSI rejected my request for temporary assistance. They say since we have two cars we don't qualify financially and for some reason they put our savings account information in twice. So I will appeal that and see what happens...   

Last time I had chemo I was there for four hours. So this time I asked if they could speed it up since we still had quite a drive that evening to go to the family reunion at Spavinaw Creek. It was about 1:30 when they started and I think we were back home by about 3:15. I will never do that again! I started feeling kind of ill while I was there getting chemo. Yesterday was pretty good. We took McKenzie and my nephew Ashton down to swim in the creek and I waded a little bit in the water. We all got a little too much sun, I think.

Today when I woke up I wasn't feeling that great. We went to go have breakfast at Uncle Bo & Aunt Jeanneane's camp and then I went back to my parents' camper and took a nap before we had our family get together at lunch.

It was really good to see family that I don't see often enough and get to know those that I haven't spent much time with since I was too little to remember.  I hope that we will continue the McDonald reunion every year like we do with the Carter side of the family. That time together is precious and, like we have learned on both sides of the family with Davy's recent death and Jack & Elaine Denney's murders back in December of 2007, we just can't get time back that has passed, so we need to cherish every moment we are given with each other. I pray for those of you that were so close to those that have passed. My heart aches for you all and I pray that closure will come sooner than later.  

Love to all,

Diana

June 7, 2009 - I have been at Chicken Creek (Lake Tenkiller) all weekend for my family reunion, so I am a little late getting around to update you all.

Friday I went to the doctor to go over some of the reactions I am having to the chemo and he gave me a couple more prescriptions... I woke up Friday morning with my left ear and throat hurting again, so the doc gave me an antibiotic. I have been taking it for three days now and my throat still hurts, but it's not near as bad as it was last time. I can at least carry on with my every day life without too much misery. No fever this time, so that is very good news! My white blood cell count was down to 500 though. That was even after getting Neupogen shots every day last week. So I couldn't go near the water at the lake this weekend. That's okay though. No one wants to see me in a bathing suit! I go back in Monday and Tuesday for more injections. Hopefully my WBC will be up enough for me to have chemo the end of the week. This weekend I have been getting really light headed. It happens mostly when I bend down & stand back up, but sometimes I'll just be sitting here and I'll start seeing spots... my Mom thinks it may be my blood pressure, but I have never had blood pressure issues. I'll have to try to remember to ask about it when I go in for my shot tomorrow afternoon. I have lost about 8 pounds since chemo started. But the doctor hasn’t mentioned it, so I don’t think it is anything to worry about.

I didn't get nauseous this last round, so that was such a relief! I have one more round of the Adriamycin-Cytoxan chemo this Friday, and then my last four rounds will be Taxotere. I am hoping (fingers crossed really hard) that the anti-nausea stuff will continue to work with this next medication and that I don't have any ridiculous side effects. The doctor said he thinks the last four rounds will be much easier for me. But I met a lady at chemo that had a horrible reaction to the Taxotere, so I am really nervous about it. She said her hands and feet blistered from the inside out. So she had to stop chemo until she was completely healed. Of course that is a very rare side effect, but it's still scary to think something like that could happen.

I actually started crying at the doctor's office. It's ridiculous, but I am emotional... the smallest thing can set off my tears and then it's hard to stop them. The chemo room has rules, one being no children under 12. But I have to be there between 2 and 4 to get shots and Jerry doesn't get home until almost 6. So I had been putting McKenzie in her stroller (so she couldn't escape or get into anything) and taking her in there with me. Well, Friday they told me I can't bring her in there with me anymore. My response was what am I supposed to do with her? I held it together until I got out of the room and over to the reception area to check in for my doctor's appointment and then I just lost it. I kept trying to pull it together. That's a really stupid thing to get all emotional about. But when you go in for like five minutes just to get a shot every day of the week and you're a stay at home mom... well, I can't just leave her in the car. I know it's not personal and if they make an exception for me they have to apply it to everyone. But that is just one more thing I am going to have to worry about now.  

Sometimes I still don't have much of an appetite, but this weekend at my family reunion I ate pretty well. The weather was great and McKenzie had a lot of fun playing with some of the other kids there, waving at everyone, and giving out kisses. She loves being outside, but she has quite a few scrapes now from falling down so much. She is Miss Independent right now, so she will only hold my hand if she's going up or down obvious steps. We have another reunion this next weekend at Spavinaw Lake for my dad's side of the family. I am hoping for nice weather, feeling well, and safe travels!

Love to all,

Diana
 
 

May 31, 2009 - McKenzie and I just got back from Glenpool. It was an exhausting weekend with all the funeral stuff, but it was good to be with family during this time.

Thursday evening I got back to OKC about 3:50 and drove straight to the oncology place to get my Neupogen injection. Then I came home and scanned pictures for the slideshow, cropped them and arranged them in order from baby to present day until about 11. Then I went to bed. I was SO tired!

Friday morning I had to be downtown by 7:30 to get my Lupron injection, then to the lab back in Midwest City by 8:15 to have my blood drawn to check my white blood cell count. They finally came & told me I was going to be having my treatment that day, so by 9:15 they had me hooked up to the IVs getting chemo. I took a little nap while I was there, then when I got back home about 12:30 I checked online about getting temporary SSI and filled out some of the application stuff. They say I should know something within about 4 MONTHS! I know no one will hire me now knowing I have cancer and with all the work I'd miss with doctor appointments, treatments, lab work and being sick, I wouldn't be too dependable anyway.

Friday I got back to Glenpool about 4:30 and we went to the viewing, went to eat, went by Best Buy so I could buy a new camera, and went by the place where my cousin's accident was. We got back to Glenpool about 9:30 and my dad helped me finish putting the slideshow together. I was up until about 1:30 am.

Saturday we went to my Aunt Sheila's about 11:20, got to the funeral home about 1:30, drove to Sallisaw for the graveside service, went to my Aunt Anetta's for dinner, and got back to Glenpool around 10 or 10:30.
 
I felt good Friday and Saturday other than just being tired and emotionally drained. Today I laid down to take a nap at my parents' house before driving back to OKC and woke up not feeling so great. So I went ahead and started taking the Methylprednisolone that I'm not supposed to start taking until tomorrow. Hopefully it will keep me from feeling nauseated this time. Our family reunion is this weekend, so I really don't want to be sick at the lake.

I have to go every day this week to get Neupogen injections to prevent my white blood cell count from getting so low (rather than waiting for it to get low & then trying to bring it back up, which is what they were supposed to be doing all along). I go back to see my oncologist on Friday at 11:45.
 
Thank you for all the prayers. I am doing well as long as I am feeling well.

Love to all,

Diana

May 27, 2009 - I received some really horrible and sad news today. My cousin (David Eugene Carter, Jr) was killed in a motorcycle accident this morning on his way to work. So this entry is for you, cousin Davy.

RIP cousin Davy! I love you & will miss you. I hope you're in a better place. If you happen to find a pair of angel wings, please put them on and keep an eye on us. And tell Grandpa, Uncle Richard & Grandma hello & give them hugs & kisses from me.

We spent a lot of time at your mom's today being with family and will be back over there tomorrow, and possibly Friday (depending on chemo). And of course at your service on Saturday. We are still all in shock and I think every one of us expects you to show up at the family reunion in a week and a half to show off your bike. Your boys are acting tough, but I know this is breaking their hearts. Mom & I spent hours going through pictures so I can put a slideshow together for your service. Tomorrow we'll probably be going through more pictures from your mom's. SO many people were there today. I hope you at least parted this world knowing how much you are loved. Your memory will live on.

Love,

Diana

May 26, 2009 - I have been so sick. I went to bed Friday night feeling ok but woke up in the middle of the night with my ears and throat hurting really bad. I ended up going to the urgent care place close to my house on Sunday and they said I have a throat infection. I have been running a fever, even just this morning it was almost 102. The strep test was negative but they wanted to do a 3-day culture to be sure and to see if it may be some other bacteria, results should be in tomorrow. I am on a Z-pack, 2 days left of that. I also have some sores on my tongue and my gums have been really sensitive and hurting. This morning was horrible, but after taking Ibuprofen my fever went down quite a bit. I went in to get my Neupogen injection this afternoon. They took a look at my throat and prescribed me a numbing solution to gargle with and said it isn't better in the next day or two they will give me some kind of antibiotic to try. They said all this may be a side effect of the Adriamycin I get through chemo. My throat and ears hurt constantly, but it especially hurts when I try to swallow. Of course I have been especially sensitive and emotional since I haven't been feeling good, so I have shed a few tears over the last couple of days. I just hope I am feeling better soon!

My mom came down last night to help me with McKenzie while Jerry is working. (Thanks, Mom! You're THE BEST!)

Love to all,

Diana

May 22, 2009 - I'll have to make this quick because McKenzie has an ear infection, is very cranky, and wants me to hold her constantly.

I feel better today except I feel really weak and my stomach hurts after I eat. But I've eaten toast, orange juice, Sprite, fries & a kid's cheeseburger already. Jerry is supposed to be home pretty soon. Then I am going to the wig place (because I don't think my wig fits me correctly) and then I have physical therapy. So Daddy can deal with cranky McKenzie this afternoon & let me have a break while I run around doing my stuff.

I had a follow-up appointment with my oncologist this morning. My white blood cell count is VERY low. My normal pre-chemo count is 13,000. Today my count was 1,100. No wonder I feel so weak! I had to get a Neupogen injection and have to go back next Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for more. I am hoping by Monday I will feel good enough to go to aerobics! My chemo was also changed to next Friday instead since that will be two weeks from my last treatment. We are going to do the Emend tripak again since it worked last time & then I will start taking a steroid pack the Monday after chemo. Wish me luck this time for no nausea!

Love to all,

Diana
 
 

May 19, 2009 - I spoke too soon. The Emend Tripak was great for the day of chemo & the day after. But Sunday I was really tired & then yesterday & today I was nauseous. Yesterday was bad - the smell of just about any food made me nearly throw up. Today started really bad but I am feeling somewhat better this evening. I go back to the oncologist this Friday and I think this time he will probably give me an anti-nausea patch in addition to the Emend.

Sometimes I wonder how in the world I am going to make it through 6 more rounds of chemo, hormone therapy and radiation and be a good Mommy. McKenzie started running a fever Sunday evening and has been cranky and glued to me the last couple of days. I had a really rough night last night. I took Ambien but just tossed and turned for about 4 hours. So I took another 1/2 of an Ambien but just tossed and turned some more. Today I couldn't help but just lay in bed and cry. And that makes me feel bad. I want her to know it's ok to cry, but she looks so confused. I wanted to sleep just so I wouldn't have to feel sick for a little while but I couldn't get McKenzie to go to sleep. She was fussy and would just roll around the bed and whimper. It took everything I had to get up and take her into the other room to give her some Motrin (I think she's teething). So I never did end up getting any sleep today either. Now I am sitting here waiting for tonight's Ambien to kick in. No luck yet...

I do well most of the time, but when I feel sick I notice myself feeling depressed. I tell myself at least I feel something, I am alive. But then I think about whether or not I am going to get a clean bill of health at the end of all this. Then I tell myself not to jump too far ahead, just take it a day at a time. But when you sit in a house with a 14 month old and your own thoughts and you feel like you're going to throw up every time you move, you can drive yourself a little crazy. I want to be a positive person. I don't want people to think 'oh poor Diana'. Please forgive me for airing my complaints, I am only human. This is just really a lot worse than I had imagined.   

Chemo is every 2 weeks. If we can get the anti-nausea meds figured out sooner rather than later that would be wonderful! This time I just had about 2-1/2 bad days. If I wake up tomorrow feeling well at least I will have another week to enjoy!

Love to all,

Diana

May 16, 2009 - I went in for blood work yesterday and they said the Neupogen injections really helped boost my white blood cell count. So I went ahead and had my second chemo session. I went by myself this time so Jerry could stay home with McKenzie. It was a little lonely, but I had some good quiet time to read the book my sister-in-law Jenifer got me called "The Middle Ground." It is written by a cancer survivor. I am about half way through it now. Maybe at the next session I will be able to finish it.

I did  sleep a lot last night... Went to bed about 9:30pm & woke up this afternoon around 12:30pm. Then took a nap about 2:30pm to 5pm. Now I am getting ready to go to bed for the night... Jerry has been working all weekend, so my parents are here helping with McKenzie. I think if I do this well next time I will just drive up to Glenpool and spend a few nights with them, especially if Jerry is working so much then.   

I tried the Emend Tri-pak this time. WOW! What a difference! I haven't had any nausea, just a little tummy ache now & then. We actually went & ate Mexican for dinner & it was GOOD! What a miracle drug! Heather - I cannot thank you enough for telling me about it! I owe you a big hug!

I did ask my mom to shave my hair to #1 clipper length, so she did. (Jerry left some crooked spots on his #2 cut, LOL!) It's really balding out on the sides up toward the top, kind of like a receding hair line. But I have worn my wig a few times and people say it looks like my real hair & wouldn't know it was a wig if I didn't tell them. Around the house I just wear my balding head. When I step outside or just go to the store I wear McKenzie's toddler baseball hat. Out to dinner I wear the wig. Each time I take a shower more & more hair comes out. So I am sure before long I'll look like Popeye. But I am beginning to accept this part of the process. It will grow back, probably slowly and awkwardly. But It will grow back.

If you have any questions for me, anything at all, please feel free to ask me. I am an open book. I want to make you feel comfortable about being around people like me that may be going through something you don't quite understand.      

Love to all,

Diana

May 13, 2009 - My husband shaved my hair off last night. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and chopped it off, then he got out the clippers my mom let me borrow and cut it all down to #2 length while I cried and held my head over the trash can. I think I look ridiculous. My head is so small and I have the most retarded cowlick from the front of my hairline to the back of my head where the little hair swirly is! Jerry said it didn't look as bad as he thought it would (he thought I would look like a shaved Chihuahua). McKenzie was sitting in the garage with us when he shaved it because I wanted her to see that I am still mommy, even with VERY short hair. She doesn't seem to mind at all. We were lying down earlier to take a nap and she was rubbing her hand on my head like she was feeling my new do. She is just adorable!

I also went this morning to have my wig adjusted for my (almost) hairless head. I think it fits weird, but the wig lady said that's how it's supposed to fit. So I wore it today to Tina L's to drop off McKenzie, to chemo, back to Tina L's to pick up McKenzie, and then I was really hot so I took it off and wore McKenzie's toddler size baseball hat (that fits me perfectly) the rest of the way home.

When I went to get my second chemo treatment today my white blood cell count was too low. They gave me a Neupogen injection (it basically tells my bone marrow to produce white blood cells). I go back tomorrow afternoon to get another injection, and then I go back Friday for blood work. If my white cell count is up Friday I will have chemo then.

Thank you Tina L for watching McKenzie and letting her have a play date with Ayden so Jerry could go with me! I owe you!   

Love to all,

Diana

May 12, 2009 - I am shedding. It started Sunday & got twice as bad on Monday. Every time I brush my hair or run my fingers through my hair I get a hand full of shed hair. So I believe I am on my way to baldness. Right now you can't really tell it's even falling out. But I think I should shave it before chunks are gone from my scalp. Is that how it works? The doctor told me just chunks of hair would fall out. So I picture that as having random bald spots on my head & a trail of hair falling behind me. That may be a little dramatic... but that's how I picture it happening.

I'm also thinking about going back to work. I know now is a really bad time. Who is going to want to hire a cancer patient? But I only have one week of unemployment left and then I will have no income except what I get from my husband. I really don't want to leave McKenzie. I love staying home with her. But I'd like to at least feel like I am contributing a little bit financially. Fortunately I don't HAVE to work, my husband makes good money. And I don't want to go to work just to have all of my income go to daycare... it kind of makes it pointless. But I hate relying financially on my husband.

I do get a one time cancercare grant from Avon. But I have no idea what the amount is going to be. So I am not sure what bills I will be able to pay with it. It'll probably be like $18 or something like that. LOL!  

Love to all,

Diana

May 3, 2009 - I am feeling so much better today. I finally called the doctor's office Friday and told them I was still throwing up and very nauseous and I needed something different. The Zofran was just not doing anything and the Phenergan helped me get some sleep, but when I woke up I felt just as bad. So they called me in a steroid and I have three more days of that left to take. I go back to see my oncologist this Friday and will ask him about the emend tripack (thank you Heather for the recommendation)! Hopefully that will work. I'll probably start going to chemo by myself now since Jerry will have to stay home with McKenzie, but I'll imagine you all sitting there next to me while I do my crossword puzzles.

My neighbor Gladys called earlier to check on me and I had a nice long chat with her. She is just the sweetest lady & such a good neighbor. She went through chemo a few years ago and was giving me all kinds of advice. She is much older than me - old enough to be my grandmother. It is nice to have her around since both of my grandmothers have passed. I just love her and she has become a kindred spirit of mine—especially now that we have breast cancer in common.

Love to all,

Diana 

May 1, 2009 - Well, chemo officially started this past Tuesday. It has been 3 days after so far and I am still not in a very good place. I threw up again this morning. Smells of foods make me nauseous so I don't eat too much - mostly just bread and Sprite. Then when I don't eat, I get a bad headache, so I have to decide if I'd rather deal with a headache or nausea. I called the doctor today & they called me in a new prescription, so hopefuly it will help!

This part of the process is really getting me down. I try to tell myself to keep going, just 7 more sessions to go. But I feel overwhelmed and out of control. Sometimes I lie in bed and let the tears fall. I feel so weak in this part of the treatment plan. I feel so helpless. But it's part of the process to heal my body and help assure I am here for my family and friends. So the temporary sickness is worth it, right?

My wonderful mom was here Tuesday until Friday filling in my mommy role with McKenzie (she sure loves her nana)! Thank you, Mom! I love you so much and appreciate all your help with the laundry, dinner and house stuff.

Love to all,

Diana Sweet

April 28, 2009 - My first round of chemo was supposed to be tomorrow, but they called and asked me to come in today instead. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but I was very emotional.

I went into the chemo room and they told me my labs from last week were too old, it has to be within three days of chemo. So they sent me to the lab for blood work. I started crying while I was there. It's not like she hurt me with the needle stick, I was just thinking about the whole unknown factor - not knowing what to expect or how my body will react to the chemo, not knowing when my hair will start falling out, not knowing what chemo feels like. Jerry and McKenzie were sitting outside the lab waiting on me.

When I walked out into the hall crying Jerry gave me a hug and told me it will be alright. So I got it together and we went back upstairs to the chemo room. They told me to pick a place to sit. I chose my recliner and Jerry and McKenzie sat down next to me. McKenzie hadn't taken a nap all day so she was being a little stinker crying and whining. So the chemo guy came over and told us no one under 12 is allowed but he didn't want me to be alone for my first time, so next time we'll have to find other arrangements for McKenzie. I started crying all over again. I knew kids weren't allowed. I read the "guidelines" I was given. I just wanted them there anyway. From now on I will go by myself. But I was glad they were both next to me, even though they both fell asleep and slept almost the whole time.

Anyway, they put a needle in my port. That was the worst part since I just had it put in yesterday. It was really sore and the chemo nurse was pushing all around trying to feel where to put the needle in. Then she injected two big red vials of the "A" medicine that makes your hair fall out. They inject it right into the IV hose instead of hanging it like they do with the saline and the other "C" medicine I am getting through chemo. It took about an hour and a half.

I will have my mom shave my head this weekend (we'll probably both be crying), and then go back May 13th at 2:30 for my next round of chemo.  

Love to all,

Diana  
 

April 27, 2009 - I had surgery today to have my port put in. I had to be there at 6:15am and we finally left the hospital about 11:45am. 

Jerry and McKenzie were with me this time. I checked in, sat in a waiting room about 20 minutes or so until I was called, then went into another little room and waited some more. McKenzie was pretty cranky (we left at 5:45am and she usually sleeps until around 9am or so). So I pushed her up and down the hall in her stroller until they called my name. That was the only way to keep her quiet. And she can get pretty loud and shrill. She has quite a set of lungs. 

We were in the little room probably an hour and a half before the nurse came in and gave me an IV and an anti-nausea patch. By that time McKenzie had finally fallen asleep and Jerry and I were watching the tiny little TV in the tiny little corner in my tiny little room, both of us trying to stay awake. The IV had to be put in my left hand and wasn't getting good flow, so the nurse had to keep pulling it out a little and then pushing it back in at a different angle. So I was feeling really uncomfortable on top of getting nervous about the port surgery and chemo. I finally laid down, found a semi-comfortable position on the bed, and was almost asleep when they came to take me to the O.R. about 45 minutes later. 

In the operating room a nurse and anesthesiologist transferred me over to another bed. They put an oxygen mask on me, messed around with the IV in my hand again, then gave me more meds and some sleepy drugs in my IV. I don't remember much after that until I woke up on the way to recovery. I remember my throat was really hurting and my mouth was really dry and I just couldn't seem to get any words out. I had no idea they had stuck a tube in my throat. I remember them telling me to take a deep breath and pulling it out. And my left shoulder was really sore and hurt so bad, especially if I tried to move my arm. They gave me some morphine and Lortab while I laid there in my bed fading in and out of sleep for about an hour or so until they took me back to another room where Jerry and McKenzie were waiting for me. 

Another nurse came in, introduced herself and asked me if I wanted a drink. Finally! I hadn't been able to eat or drink anything - not even water - since midnight. I asked for Dr. Pepper. =) It was GOOD too! Of course McKenzie was being a little stinker because she wanted the ice in my drink. The nurse also brought me two little packages of graham crackers that I think I inhaled. 

I shared my ice with McKenzie, gave her the empty cup to play with (which kept her entertained the rest of the time we were there) and Jerry unhooked all my monitors so I could get up and go to the bathroom. They weren't very happy that I was walking around by myself, but I did really feel like I could manage. After I showed them I could walk around on my own they took the IV out of my hand, gave me my clothes back so I could change and then pushed me outside in a wheelchair. 

We got home a little after noon and I slept until about 4pm. Actually all three of us slept for a few hours. I am still really tired. My hand is so puffy and swollen from the IV that you can't even see the veins in my hand. My shoulder is so sore I can't even pick up McKenzie. And my chemo was changed to tomorrow at 2:30pm instead of Wednesday. I have a headache. My neck hurts. What else? Oh - I am still hungry. 

I am really nervous because of all the horror stories I have heard about getting sick and being so tired. But my mom is coming tomorrow evening to stay a couple of nights and help with McKenzie. I hope I will be one of those few that don't feel bad after chemo. But if I do get sick at least my mommy will be here to help make it all better! 

Love to all,
Diana  

April 20, 2009 - I went this morning and had my pre-chemo bloodwork done. It was quick and easy. I went to Optim Oncology here in Midwest City where I am having the chemo done. Out of curiosity I asked what they were checking for and they said blood cell count, potassium and other levels, and a cancer marker.

I also had chemo class this afternoon. I expected it to be a class full of terrified people, kind of like what my first child birth class was like. But when I got there it was just me and the lady Jude that works in the office. I didn't know I was supposed to bring family or anything. My husband was home with McKenzie. I would have preferred them being there. I guess I should have asked more questions about it before hand. Since my neighbor had breast cancer a few years ago she let me borrow her book from her chemo class, so I pretty much knew what to expect. Actually... I expected it to be more detailed.

Jude took me back to their chemo room where there were two rows of cushy leather recliners facing each other with IV poles next to them and two wigs set up in the corner. She handed me a binder FULL of papers for me to read later. Then she went over the chemo medications I'll be on (Adriamycin and Cytoxan the first 4 rounds and Taxotere the last 4 rounds), main side effects (nausea, fatigue, hair loss), and when to contact their office (like what the signs of an allergic reaction are, etc). I haven't even opened the binder since I have been home, but it looks a lot more detailed than my neighbor's. Seriously, the stacked papers in it are like an inch thick. There is so much information in there I get a headache just thinking about it. So I'll set it aside for now and read it when I am feeling a little less overwhelmed and emotional.

I also received a call from the surgeon's office today. I am scheduled to get my port next Monday. I have to be at the hospital at 6:15 a.m. and will be there for a few hours. I have to go in this Thursday for pre-op (EKG, more bloodwork, more paperwork, etc). Then I go back to see my oncologist this Friday and start chemo next Wednesday.... Did you get all that? =)  

For those of you that don't know what a port is... it's a small round rubber device with a silicone bubble that is inserted below the skin with a tube that goes into the vein. Mine will be on the left side below my collarbone. They feel where it is and insert a special needle into the bubble for chemo treatments so they don't have to give me an IV every time. It will stay in for about a year in case I have to have chemo again.

I am still trying to just be normal right now. I still feel normal and healthy. I AM getting more and more emotional as chemo gets closer because I am really sad about losing my hair. I catch myself looking in the mirror with my hands on my forehead pulling my hair back trying to get a glimpse of what I am going to look like. But that just makes me cry, so I am trying to keep myself away from mirrors so I will stop torturing myself.  

Love to all,

Diana    
 
 

April 14, 2009 - I saw my oncologist today. I will be getting chemo once every two weeks for 8 treatments. So it'll take about 4 months to get through that. The good news is I get to go here in Midwest City and the office is really close to my house! I have to take a chemo class, get my port put in and have some lab work done before I start. I am waiting now for my surgeon's office to call and let me know when I will have my port put in, probably later this week or early next week. And I am also waiting for the chemo place to call me and let me know when my class will be.

I can still do aerobics and still travel so hopefully we'll be headed to Germany in July for about a week and a half or so to visit my sister & her family and my little brother who is still in Iraq right now.

Love to all,

Diana

April 10, 2009 - So I went wig shopping today. I went to a shop called Accentè in South OKC. The owner is a breast cancer survivor. That is why I wanted to go there. I cried before I even got out of the car and then cried again when I got inside the store.

I figured wigs would be expensive, but holy crap, I had no idea! I said I wasn't going to buy a wig if it looked like I was wearing a wig and I didn't want to pick a wig based on price, so I really didn't pay attention to the price tag when I was deciding which one I wanted. Of course the ones I picked out to try on were in the $395 - $550 range. Fortunately my insurance will reimburse me, but I am not sure if they'll pay for all of it. I emailed them a couple weeks ago but they never wrote back and when I tried to call them today they were closed for Good Friday. So I'll have to wait till next week to find out.

My friend Denise was with me (and my baby girl McKenzie, of course), so I tried on a couple and had her take pictures so I could review them and get a more objective view rather than going on what I saw in the mirror. So the style I decided on was a little too dark and the highlights looked more gray than blond, so the owner was able to order the wig in the color brown that I liked on one of the other wigs I tried on. So I think I'll be pretty happy with it. The good thing is I only have to wash it once a week and when it dries, it's already styled. So I don't even have to fix my hair (since I don't even really fix my hair now that won't be much of a change, ha ha)! But at least with the wig it will look like I made an effort to fix my hair.

So here’s a sneak preview of the style I picked. Of course I had my hair all bunched up underneath it, so it was bulky and crooked. It will (hopefully) look better once my head is shaved.

April 9, 2009 - My appointment with Dr. Kleiwer (my oncologist) is set for Tuesday, April 14 at 1:00. He is the one that will be doing my chemo. This is just my first visit with him, so I'll probably just be filling out paperwork, asking questions and going over my treatment plan. I will update again after my appointment with him.

April 7, 2009 - We just got back from seeing Dr Carter (my surgeon). The drain tube was removed (YAY!!!)... She said my positive lymphnodes were sent to all kinds of specialists and pathologists because they were having trouble determining if the cancer was lymphoma, so the results didn't come in until today. Come to find out I am stage 3 breast cancer because they measured the tumor at 5 cm and it had spread to 3 of the lymphnodes she removed. Lymphoma was ruled out because of some of the characteristics of the tumor and lymphnodes. She said they had never seen anything like it and the pathology report was 6 pages long! She did say my scars are healing very nicely and I can go back to aerobics Monday as long as I don't overdo it with weights.

They are trying to get me set up to see Dr Kleiwer (my oncologist) next week. Then the week after that I will have a port put in the left side that will be used to give me my chemo treatments. That will stay in for probably a year (in case they have to do more chemo later). She said I will probably have 4 or 5 rounds of chemo. But I'll know more when I see the oncologist.

March 31, 2009 - Jerry and McKenzie brought me home from the hospital today around 1:00. Dr Carter said the surgery yesterday went very well. She took a lymphnode from under my arm that tested positive for cancer, so she went in and removed a total of 6 lymphnodes. The tumor and lymphnodes will be thoroughly dissected and tested to see what kind of cancer (there's a possibility that I have lymphoma) and to determine for sure what stage.

I still have a drain that I have to empty and measure a couple of times a day that I keep in until I go back to the doctor next Tuesday (lucky me). And my bandages have to be changed once a day. I am a little sore at the moment but am armed with pain meds and ice packs. I didn't get much sleep last night so I just took about a 4 hour nap. Dr Carter told me not to limit myself or else my arm will get stiff, so she said I can pick up McKenzie! I just finished cleaning up the dishes from dinner and am pretty much trying to keep doing things like normal.

Thank you Pauline, Mary, Ashley H, Gina, Donna, Tina L, James, Ayden, Bo, Jeanneane, Barbara, Waynette and Grandma Betty for the cards! Thank you Crystal, Wes, Kaleb, Connor, Emmory, Tina L, James, Ayden and Carol for the flowers! Thank you Angie H, Chloe, Colter, Carol, Mom, Dad, Jerry and McKenzie for coming to the hospital. Thank you Mom and Dad too for staying the night and helping with McKenzie. I love you all!

March 27, 2009 - I just got back from pre-op. That's really just a fancy word for bloodwork, urinalysis and a lot of paper work. I am getting a little nervous as surgery nears, but I still think everything will be fine and feel so blessed to only need a lumpectomy.

March 26, 2009 - So we have been trying to decide what kind of fertility treatments, if any, we want to use in case we decide to try for another baby when I am better. My cancer is estrogen sensitive, so I have already had to stop taking my birth control pills. And hormone injections could be dangerous for me. I also don't like the idea of creating embryos and just leaving them to possibly never exist, especially when there are many out there that can be "adopted." So we are not going to do that. Instead we have chosen Lupron which is an injection that basically will put me into early menopause. It will supress the eggs I do have so that they will not be exposed for chemo to damage. The first shot would only last a month. At that time we'll assess whether or not I can handle the side effects. If all is good, the next injection will last 3 months. Then we will go from there. My surgeon and oncologist (Dr. Kleiwer) don't have any objections to adding this to the regimen. So my first shot will be given to me next Thursday (April 2). If later we find out I still cannot get pregnant on my own, we will look into embryo adoption or egg donation from a sibling.

March 25, 2009 - Dr Carter's nurse called me this morning. Surgery is scheduled for Monday at noon at Southwest Integris. I have to check in at 6:15 am (YAWN... I am not a morning person). The surgery should only take about an hour and I should be able to come home some time Tuesday 

March 24, 2009 (cont.) - Well, my surgeon (Dr. Carter) called me. The gene test is negative, so that is good news! I asked her about the infiltrated muscle and she looked back over the MRI report and said it doesn't say that it is in the muscle, just that it is lying against it. So she will only need to do a lumpectomy (YAY!!!).

It isn't officially scheduled yet, but she said she wanted to try to get me in for surgery this coming Monday (March 30th). I should only have to spend 1 night in the hospital. And my recovery should only be about a week and I can start doing aerobics again if I am feeling up to it after 2 weeks.

I will meet with my oncologist 2 weeks after surgery and will start chemo about 4 weeks after surgery. Then once I complete chemo, I will start radiation.

March 24, 2009 - We went to see a fertility doctor today, just to see what our options are if we want to have more children. It really will depend on the gene test results and what my treatment will be. There are actually quite a few options. Basically we can either create and freeze embryos, travel to one of the few places that do egg harvesting and have that done before treatments start, do nothing now and hope I can still get pregnant after the treatments are complete, or later on "adopt" left over embryos from another couple or use an egg donation from a sibling. Everything is pretty expensive though and not covered by insurance. So at this point I am just not sure what to do, or even what I want to do. It would help if I knew the gene test results... The longer it takes the doctor to call me the worse I think the news is going to be.

March 17, 2009 - I had the ultrasound and mammogram for the left side today. They don’t think I have anything there to worry about. But the doctor I saw today was surprised that I was a candidate for lumpectomy. He said the MRI shows that the cancer has infiltrated the muscle and when the muscle is involved they always do a mastectomy. So I will have to talk to my surgeon about that and see if that information was on the MRI report. I hope to have the gene test back this week and get surgery done and get this mess over with soon!

March 12, 2009 - The Pet scan shows that the cancer hasn’t spread anywhere else! But the MRI did show a little swelling in the lymph nodes toward my armpit, so the surgeon thinks it may be starting to spread. She won’t know for sure until she does the surgery. When she does the surgery, she will make an extra incision in my armpit to check the lymph nodes and remove them at that time if the cancer has spread. The tumor is about 3.3 cm. Right now she says I am a good candidate for a lumpectomy (YAY!!!) as long as the gene test comes back negative (it will be another week or so before we get those results). The MRI did show a “spot” on my left breast, so the doctor is sending me back for an ultrasound and mammogram to check and see if we need to do further testing on that side. That appointment is March 17th at 8:30 am.

March 9, 2009 - I had the Pet scan today. They injected a radioactive dye into my vein, then I had I sat in this little room with a leather recliner, blanket and TV for an hour waiting for the dye to get through my body. The scan itself only took about 15 minutes. I should know if the cancer has spread in the next 48 hours when my surgeon gets the report.

March 5, 2009 - I went to see the surgeon today (Dr. Carter). She thinks I may have stage 2 breast cancer and she thinks I have the same kind my grandmother had, which is called infiltrating ductal carcinoma. She wants to do an MRI and pet scan next week. They tried 3x to take blood today for a gene test (BRCA gene) but no luck, so I have to go back tomorrow to try again. The gene test is b/c of my age (I am 31) and also because my grandmother had breast cancer. It takes about two weeks to get the results back and she won’t do the surgery until she gets them back. The good news is that the gene is very rare, like 1 in 10. The bad news is that if I have the gene, I will have to get a double mastectomy and hysterectomy. The gene basically means I have like a 70% chance of getting cancer in my other breast and reproductive organs. So she said she would want to remove it all in one surgery instead of doing multiple surgeries. And the gene also means that McKenzie (my daughter) has a 50% chance of getting the gene from me and developing cancer herself. So we would know to keep a close eye on her. She said because of my age I will have to do very aggressive radiation and chemo. So, yes… it looks like I am going to be as bald as Jerry (my husband). But I won’t have to shave my legs for a while! I told him we could shave McKenzie’s head too and get a family portrait done. (Just kidding! Her hair is just starting to get long!) Yes, I do get emotional every once and a while, but I am actually handling all of this better than I thought I would. I am surprising myself! I am still thinking positive thoughts and taking this one step at a time. I appreciate everyone’s prayers and thoughts and concerns. But PLEASE don’t feel sorry for me, even if I start to cry in front of you… I believe I am stronger than this cancer and I will beat it!

March 3, 2009 - My doctor's nurse called and told me I need to come in, can I make it in that afternoon by 1:30. We were actually in the waiting room at the pediatrician's office. My daughter was getting her one-year shots. I asked if it was about the results and she said yes. So within two hours I was at the doctor's office waiting in the exam room with my husband and one year old daughter. The doctor (Dr Kilkenny) came in and said she didn't have good news for me. The tumor was classified as poorly differentiated carcinoma and she said she would have to refer me to a surgeon and they would find an oncologist for me.

March 2, 2009 - Today is my daughter's first birthday and the day of my biopsy. It wasn't bad really, just a little sore that day and the next. They did a really good job of numbing it before the procedure. They numbed me with the stuff the dentist uses and then took 4 samples. I didn't feel any of that except a little pressure on the last one. They just insert I guess a long needle or something (I totally was not going to look because I knew I'd pass out if I did)! But when they go in to get each sample you hear this "click." It took about 45 minutes for the whole procedure, including the time after when I had to lay back down b/c I was seeing stars. (I don't do well with medical stuff...). Within a day it started bruising all the way across the outside of my boob, from top to bottom.

February 25, 2009 - I went to get an ultrasound today. The ultrasound of course was painless. It's just like the one they do on a pregnant lady to see the baby. The mammogram was only to be done if the ultrasound looked bad. So I waited... the tech went into the next room to talk to the doctor there on duty. She came back in and said the doc wants a mammogram. So she took me to another room where they have the big mamm machine. I was expecting it to be awful with all the horror stories I have heard. But it was not bad at all. The tech was very courteous and gentle. It didn't hurt at all and wasn't even the least bit uncomfortable. Then I went back into my exam room and waited again... The tech and the doc came back in the room this time and said the lump didn't look like a typical cyst. They need to run more tests, I'll need to come back for a biopsy

February 17, 2009 - Less than a month after my 31st birthday I found a lump in my right breast. It was on accident really... I bumped against my boob with my arm and felt something hard. I felt it with my hand and sure enough it was a lump. It felt like a huge lump, like golf ball size. Hypochondriac that I am, I called my doctor the next day and went in to see her. She confirmed the lump and referred me to a breast care center for an ultrasound and possibly a mammogram. I will admit I have never been great about doing self exams. My thought was that the doctor checks once a year when I get my annual done. That's why they get paid the big bucks. But I just had mine done in October (four months before) and the doctor didn't find anything. So between then and now, I have no idea how long it's been there...