by Phyllis VanHemert
Adolescence requires new ways to connect. The need to keep tabs on teens is obvious, but more important is establishing the habit of staying connected throughout these years to bless your relationship for a lifetime. It is the best reason for learning new ways to stay in touch when teens desire more privacy and more time with friends. Teens may be less resentful of your need to keep tabs on them if you have a relationship that is based on positive interaction.
Conflict can be managed when dads demonstrate how to make a relationship work.
Dads can show positive regard for teens by expressing respect, demonstrating sincere interest in their opinions, and, very importantly, showing teens how to find their way back to the relationship. Going out and coming back to a forgiving father is an old story.
Dads can plan activities that interest all parties. Kids shouldn’t have to seek
all their socialization and stimulation outside of the family. It is a fact that kids are going to be busy with or without you. Adolescence is the time when teens begin the big turn from finding all their needs met within the family to looking at the world to see what else can be experienced. You can keep tabs on teens by planning some activities that you can enjoy together. Include their friends whenever possible.
Invite your teen to join you in finding a volunteer activity that can be a new experience for both of you. Try helping out at Habitat for Humanity, volunteering at a pet refuge, or signing up for a walk-a-thon.
Plan and research trips or weekend outings together. This is the computer generation, and your teen might enjoy teaching you.
Take your teen on a date. One family I know allows their child to have a day off from school once a year to be spent all day with the parent. Dinner dates can be helpful, too. Remember the purpose of a date is to increase closeness and to have fun. It helps to have time to talk about more than homework, schedules, family rules, and chores.
Create traditions like cooking together one night a week or walking the dog.
Teach your teen a new skill. Most people enjoy remembering something that their dad taught them. It might be changing a tire, balancing a check book, or helping plant a garden.
Correspond with your teen. E-mail, text messages, or written notes are helpful when schedules keep you apart.
Include your teen’s friends as often as possible. Getting to know and appreciate your teen’s friends is good way to stay informed about who is influencing your child. Welcome them for dinner, take them to church or on vacation with you.
The time between age 12 and 18 is just 72 months! Nurturing the relationship during this time makes keeping tabs on teens much easier.
Phyllis VanHemert, M.Ed. is a Licensed Professional Counselor who sees children and adults. In addition to her counseling practice she is a frequent speaker, facilitates a book club, conducts women’s’ therapy groups, and is a Certified Equine Therapist. Phyllis and her husband Jim are the parents of an adult son. She practices within the offices of Dr. Paul Tobin and Ann Benjamin.