School-age children gradually become conscious of how their peers view them. By the late elementary years, group opinion is very important. Standing against the group means loss of friends and popularity. It is easier to compromise than risk losing friends. You can help your preteen learn to handle this peer pressure in a positive way.

Set limits ahead of time. Help your child list areas where he won’t compromise such as smoking, drugs, and inappropriate behavior with the opposite sex. Set rules to help your child avoid tempting situations such as not visitng a friend’s house when his parents aren’t home or not staying out past 9pm on a school night. Help your child understand the importance of boundaries.

Place the responsibility on your child. Make him accountable for his behavior. Let him face the consequences of broken rules. Some wrong doings have natural consequences—if he listens to music instead of studying for a test, he won’t do well on the test. You may set additional consequences such as restricted activities and more study time.

Give in when it doesn’t matter. Some things are a matter of opinion rather than conviction. When it comes to taste in clothes and music you don’t care for but are harmless, give in. Avoid saying “no” without reason or without giving it thought. Giving in on the little things will make it easier when you do have to say no.

Support going against the crowd. Applaud your child for standing up for your family’s values Praise can soften the hurt inflicted by the crowd. Point out to your child things that you do or don’t do that go against the norm such as not making illegal copies of movies you rent although no one would ever know.

Look for positive alternatives. When your child must say no to a situation, help find an alternative. If he must decline a party at a friend’s house because it’s too late at night, poorly chaperoned, or for other reason, suggest taking your child and several friends out for pizza instead. Offer to rent movies and provide snacks in place of an inappropriate activity.

Inform your child. Refusing to discuss sex or drugs with your child doesn’t shield him from those things. He will find out from another, perhaps less trust-worthy, source. Provide your child with age-appropriate information and good moral values. Being informed will help him make the right choices when confronted with the issues.

Children face peer pressure from the moment they begin to play with other children. By the late elementary years the in-crowd rules. Help your child learn to stand up for what he believes now and it will help him throughout the rest of his life.

Katrina Cassel, M.Ed., is a freelance writer and mother of five living in GA. Katrina is the author of several parenting books.