Adolescence is fraught with tension for kids and parents alike. Teens want to make their own decisions and parents fear the results. Sex is an especially emotional issue. So emotional that we parents sometimes shy away from talking about it. But society doesn’t. Our “pop culture” promotes sex as the activity that everyone’s doing and everyone’s enjoying. Our kids need to know that abstaining from sex is not only possible, it’s preferable. And we parents are just the ones to tell them.

Something as simple as a newspaper advice column can be a conversation starter. Here’s some information you’ll want to cover.

WINNING THE DATING GAME
Talk about these points before dating begins. If the game is already underway, call time-out for a brief discussion.
· The best time to cover pre-marital sex is before the opportunity presents itself. If your child hasn’t made a conscious decision to abstain, in the heat of the moment animal instinct will replace sound judgment.
· Temptation strengthens when visited often. Just as a diabetic is likely to give in to that chocolate eclair if he goes to the bakery every day, a couple will find sex difficult to resist if they spend half their evening cuddled up in the car.
· Everyone has the right to say yes to some activities and no to others. Both girls and guys should know that kissing someone doesn’t mean they intend, or are obligated, to do anything more.
· Boys and girls must be taught that no means just that.
· Paying for a date doesn’t entitle a guy, or a girl, to any form of payback.
· Teens need to understand that love should result in a general feeling of well-being. If the overriding emotion in a relationship is negative, it’s not love.
· Physical abuse in any form is not to be tolerated. Teach your kids, “one strike and he or she is out.”
· Be aware that children who have been sexually abused sometimes become promiscuous in adolescence. We’ll never know how many teen pregnancies are reactions to sexual child abuse.

SERIOUS SEXUAL CONSEQUENCES
Pregnancy is the most obvious consequence to having sex. But the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) records more than 25 infectious organisms transmitted primarily through sexual activity. Girls are biologically more susceptible than boys. The HHS reports, “Each year an estimated 15 million new sexually transmitted infections occur in the U.S. and nearly 4 million teenagers are infected with a sexually transmitted disease (STD).”

In 1995 the HHS reported STDs accounted for 87% of the top ten infections most frequently reported to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention from state health departments. The most common STDs are chlamydia, gonorrhea, AIDS, syphilis, and hepatitis B.

STDs can exist, symptom-free, for years. Chlamydia, the most common STD, can be treated with antibiotics once diagnosed but according to the HHS, 85% of the women and up to 50% of the men who have chlamydia are symptom-free. Left untreated, females can develop pelvic inflammatory disease, which can result in permanent damage to the reproductive organs and infertility. In males the disease can lead to genital warts, a pre-cursor to penal cancer.

Many teens think that oral sex isn’t sex. So what do the last three letters of the term oral sex mean? The dictionary describes sex as, “the phenomena of life concerned with sexual desire”—seems straightforward enough. STDs, which increase the risk of contracting AIDS, can be transmitted through oral sex.

We hear a lot about “safe sex” but there’s no such thing. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Treatment Guidelines for doctors state that to avoid the spread of STDs, patients should abstain from oral, vaginal, or anal sex. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists agree that the only 100% sure way to avoid STDs and pregnancy is to abstain from sex.

Clearly our bodies weren’t designed for multiple partners and our kids need to know it. Because sexual activity exposes participants to all of the partner’s previous companions, sexually active teens may end up with more than they bargained for.

Take your child for a drive and pretend, if you must, that you’re not embarrassed to talk about these important subjects. Ask questions. Listen. Talk. Your effort will make a difference.

Online Help
* The American Academy of Pediatric Psychiatry’s “Talking to Your Kids About Sex” offers helpful tips on giving age-appropriate information at www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/62.htm.
* The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention publish informative statistics and information in “Tracking the Hidden Epidemics” at www.cdc.gov/nchstp/dstd/Stats_Trends/Trends2000.pdf.
* Facts and information on why abstinence is best is available at www.abstinence.net.
* The Oklahoma Family Policy Council has information on their KEEP program (Kids Eagerly Endorsing Purity) at www.okfamilypc.org/KEEP.

Denise Springer’s  book, “Confident Parenting in Frightening Times: How to Safeguard Your Kids from Cradle to College,” may be ordered by mail.